Who knew that letting go would feel so good?
I am SO not a super dramatic type of person. I might talk big, but really that's it. I'm all talk, really.
But this time around, I knew I couldn't keep going without taking some action, and getting with my girls and casting my past hurt into a pyre.
The entire Saturn's Return experience has really been rough for me. It's been a lot of things that just keep piling up - personal stuff, family's health, stuff with the boyfriend - more and more seems to keep happening.
There's been a lot on my plate. But luckily, my East Coast/Social Work Ladies were here to fill my plate with love and support.
Mmmmm...taco action and mint chocolate chip cookies....
While we weren't a complete set due to scheduling and life, the 6 of us who were there were all given the floor to fully share all that we've been carrying - such a social work move!
All around the table, we talked about what's been happening. Issues with other friends; wedding planning; relationships with co-workers, boyfriends, husbands, and family members; old loves and new prospects; health issues; and what it's really like to put yourself and your needs first.
We talked, we laughed, we teared up (okay...I cried...I'm a crier...). But we also discussed, offered advice, and listened.
You'd think we were part of a clinical support group! But seriously, it felt like how a women's community should feel. None of the competitiveness, none of the jealousy, all of the support.
After all the stories, close to midnight it turns out, we were all getting sleepy. But before we closed our night, we started a fire, and I burned some no longer needed items.
A Contract for 1 Heart and 1 Soul
I was telling the girls about how I don't ever see myself acting this way. It was very "Waiting to Exhale," when Angela Bassett gathered all her husbands items, chucks them into his car and sets it on fire. It was very maarte.
Waaaay too excited!
Maarte, in Tagalog, means being very dramatic, high maintenance, and making a big show of something. I'm so not maarte. But I was with that fire pit.
Rising flames
Before we went out into the cold winter night, we quickly looked through my pictures and I shared my memories with them. I feel no remorse for burning the pictures. I didn't burn them all, as many of my pictures are still in Los Angeles, but I don't plan to burn them all either. But I don't feel that the ones I had in my possession are of any more use to me, here in Boston or in the future.
I'll always have the memories, and I'm hopefully using whatever lessons I learned from that time in my life.
There was no mourning...
Though we didn't want to force it, we did feel like something needed to be said while the images burned, almost like a toast.
We all felt, though, that while the event was spawned by needing to release past hurt, we were also helping to create new hope. As the violent flames slowly burned out into ash and steam, we reflected on all the hope and possibility that awaited us all.
Probably due to the photo chemicals, this last bit wouldn't go out.
We each threw in a bit of snow to help with the end.
As we all acknowledged that many of us were in the midst of Saturn's Return or major transition, we knew that this night really helped to set the course for the rest of the year. Though I'm sure we'll be seeing each other again soon in other social situations, I'm looking forward to another night of being maarte.
