Thankful that Tomorrow is Another Day

There's nothing like getting devastating news to make you really sit down and think about what you're thankful for.

I finally got word via letter that I was not chosen for the Program Manager position.  I am devastated to say the least.  I really wanted that job and I know I could have been a super star at it.  I've really put a lot of other things on hold for that job, and maybe that wasn't the right thing to do.

I thought about what I might have done wrong.  I thought about what I could have done better.  Honest to goodness, I tried my best to stay positive about it and to not let it really get to me.  But it did.  I wept like I had lost something that was really only briefly mine.

So, now I feel like I'm back at square one.  Time to start over.  The Wheel of Fortune stopped there for a brief time and said, "Hmm..no, I don't think so."  Just when I thought that maybe Saturn had loosened his grip, he just tightens the hold.

And now I'm back at trying to find the positive at a moment when I feel like nothing is.

It's times like these that Facebook really shows it's power.  As I had publicly declared how much I wanted the position (foolishly thinking that that little bit would help me get the job...okay, I take that back...positive thinking is just really difficult right now...), I felt that I had to publicly share that I did not get the position.

The comments from my friends showed their support.  Though I always feel bad that they are sad for me, I really felt that their comments were little hugs helping to strengthen me.  Their comments helped me feel the sadness, but reminded me that it just means there's something better.

Then, my mom shared a sequence of videos from Disney's "The Rescuers." 

The first one made me ball up in my chair and just wish for simpler times when everything felt in order.  But it also felt the most comforting.  I could almost fell my mom's hand on my head, in an attempt to shelter me from all the hurt.


As I wiped the tears from my eyes, I watched the second video.  Though watching it only caused more tears, it reminded me that part of who I am is to find that silver lining.

I will have my good days and my bad days, but each day is only a tiny step into a lifetime.  Take from it what you can and learn and apply it to making things better.  The absence of a full-time position is an opportunity to build my side job into a real part-time job and maybe more, a chance to really take part in self care, and time to really develop my ideas for my nonprofit.

I won't stop looking for a full-time position and I won't stop building my side job into something that could still supplement my income.

So, what am I thankful for this Thanksgiving?

I am thankful for the boyfriend (who's forehead kisses always make me feel better).
I am thankful for the kitties (who keep me on my toes, wake me in the morning, and allow me to love them).
I am thankful for my friends (near and far, who remind me every day even if we don't speak that day about where I've come from and where I'm going).
I am thankful for our tiny, filled-with-crap, 1-fuse-box, stompy-neighbors apartment (complete with comfy bed and "princess" chair).
I am thankful for my feet (which have helped me express myself through dance, taken me to distant lands, and sometimes remind me to take care of myself).
I am thankful for my voice (which reflects my moods, energy levels, and love of cheesy music).
I am thankful for my family (which continues to grow and evolve, reminding me that I will one day be responsible for my own).

Lastly, I am eternally thankful to my two loving parents, who unceasingly support my crazy decision to stay in Boston (not without questions about when I am moving back to L.A.), whose spirits I carry proudly with me every day, and whose love continues to support me and build me up via YouTube.

City Sights - Fall Colors

These are a few of my favorite things about the fall.

October 2010
Warren St. T Stop, Brighton, MA
While I was waiting for the T, I just couldn't help but be in
awe of the gorgeous colors in the trees. 
It's amazing how the tops go red first.

November 2010
Brighton, MA
This is the view from our living room window. 
It's not the best.  But there are some beautiful sunset
colors that we get to witness. It's like the sky complements
the colors of the trees by taking care of the
other part of the spectrum.

Frustrated with Fat or Muscle or Whatever

Recently, I realized that my scale was busted.

There was a crack on the side of it, and the weight would jump 10 above and 10 below what I had thought my weight was.

It was a digital scale, but I needed something different.

So, I bought a new fancy scale that also shows your water weight, body fat percentage, and Body Mass Index.

Mencken disapproves of the scale.

It's been great, and much more accurate than the previous scale.

But my weight isn't really improving.  The whole process just frustrates me.

I've been working out pretty consistently, doing both strength training, cardio, and throwing in pilates and yoga when I can afford a class.  Then, of course, there's belly dance.

In the past several weeks, I feel like I've noticed a change in my body because it looks different.  But I feel like I must have some strange way of looking at things, because the scale is either going up or staying the same.

I know there's the whole belief that muscle weighs more than fat, but I feel like it's just utter bull.  I have a lovely belly dance friend who talks about this in her weight loss blog. 

What's difficult, in the end, I think is that scale.  Yet it's still something I feel the need to rely on.  There are always different groups of people and activities I'm joining where we see how much we've collectively lost by a certain time.  I'm thinking I need to stop joining those groups because they just aren't working for me.  That is...after this last group I've joined.

So, what then?  What should I do?  If every week, I weigh myself and nothing really changes, what am I doing wrong?

I'm trying not to be negative.  But I do feel like I'm at a complete loss sometimes.

I know that part of my 2010 goal was to get over the damn scale.  But maybe it's time I really make a commitment to that concept.  While it might not happen by the end of 2010, I know it's not something I can just go with for a month.  This is a life's worth of effort.

Here's my plan:
I will still weigh myself every week.
Every month, I will measure my waist, my hips, my arms, and my thighs.
I will have an update on the sidebar as well as a dedicated page logging my progress (linked above), and once in a while I will blog about it.

Let's do this!

Simple Pleasures Sundays - Looking Up

It's definitely true that the time we start appreciating something is usually when we no longer have it or don't have to ability to do it.

With my shoulder pain in the past 2 weeks, I haven't had the same range when it comes to turning my head.  After a certain point, I have to turn the rest of my body to look to either side of me or to look high up.

The worst part is that it wakes me up in the middle of the night.  When I shift around, I need to use my left hand to move my right shoulder up with me.  In the morning, it just feels so stiff and painful.

Strangely, I'm still able to work out quite a bit, and not really limit myself.  In fact, it almost helps to loosen up whatever happens to be stuck in my shoulder.  It's almost motivating me to work out.

At this point, I really have a new found appreciation for the different directions that my head can move in.

But my favorite direction is looking upwards.

I'm a huge fan of looking at clouds, watching them move across the sky, and taking pictures of them.  I think I might actually start posting pictures of the clouds I fall in love with.

The other day, the boyfriend and I were walking to Trader Joe's, and I pointed out to him that one of the fun things about all the leaves falling (besides the obvious crunch factor) is that the birds nests are exposed and you can see which trees have more "life."

He said that he had never noticed that, but that it's such a positive way to look at it.  It honestly struck me by surprise.  Doesn't everyone like looking up and seeing what's in the sky?

How many nests do you see?

I definitely encourage you to start if you haven't yet.

Oh, How the Cookie Crumbles

For those of you who might not know, I started working on another blog about fortunes.

I've been collecting my fortune cookie fortunes for many years now.  First, they were housed in a pocket in my wallet.  Then, as my collection grew, they moved to a little box that used to carry jewelry. 

While the physical fortunes are still in the box, I decided they needed to have a new location as well.  So, I've been posting 1 fortune a day - from fortune cookies, Yogi tea bags, and other food items that might share some words of wisdom.

Check it out by clicking on the image below.

howthecookie.blogspot.com

I'm hoping that if you come across a thoughtful tea bag or a funny fortune cookie message, that you will share it with me to post!  There is a submission form on the page where you can submit your fortunes!

Happy Eats!