Hedonism Lite

As part of the summer rituals, my friends and I travel up to the woods of Vermont to participate in the weekend of the All Night Costume Dance Party at Quarry Hill.  Though it is usually on the first weekend of August, this year it was in the last weekend of July.

What is the All Night Costume Dance Party, you ask?  Well, it started in 1984 as a birthday celebration for one of my good friends, when she was asked what she wanted to do for her birthday.  She answered that she liked dancing, staying up all night, and costumes.  Thus the All Night Costume Dance Party was born.  Through the 27 years, it's grown into a reunion for the multitude of people who've lived there at some point, including international guests and children who grew up there.  But at its core, it's a celebration of life.

female Oscar

What happens at the All Night Costume Dance Party, you ask?  Well, it's pretty self-explanatory, don't you think?  Every year, there's a theme.  This year, the theme was "Hollywood."  Though I initially thought of dressing as a homeless person, I decided to go for an Oscar award instead.  Now, on the day of the party, there is also somewhat of a variety show/talent show.  Different people sing, dance, and do other random interesting and entertaining acts.  Then at 10pm, the party begins.  Hopefully, you've got your nap on at some point that afternoon or evening, because the night can get difficult if you're not well rested.  So, if you manage to dance the night away (while intermittently visiting the bonfire) and you see the sky starting to lighten, it's time to head to my friend's house where 1 batter of vegan and 1 batter of regular blueberry pancakes are awaiting the frying pan.  The blueberries are from a farm right next door, and the batter is a secret recipe from my friend's step-father.  After you've feasted on the delicious pancakes, it's time to crash out in your tent until the heat of the morning sun wakes you up.

It's an amazing weekend.  One that's worth sharing with people who you know enjoy a good time with a bit of adventure. 

Though our group wasn't as big or as small as it's been in the past couple of years, there were 3 newbies to the converts.  One of the newbies spoke a bit about how she was exploring the idea of pleasure, and we decided to continuously remind her about finding her pleasure and exhibiting a bit of hedonism.

dancing and costuming

Of all the times and places, this weekend in Vermont was definitely a place to explore ones hedonistic side.

In the grand scheme of camping, this is really camping lite.  There's still some access to bathrooms and running water, and usually access to a shower.  Though the shower was out of commission this year, we still got a chance to clean up a bit at the nearby creek.

We even got to cook and share a delicious pasta dinner together with several other campers.

veggie pasta action

But there are still mosquitoes.  And once again, I managed to get bitten several times in the course of 3 days.  Bug spray was my friend, and I even invested in a clip on bug repellant.

This year, time seemed to fly by.  It didn't seem like there was too much activity, and yet we managed to dance the night away without realizing how fast time was flying.  Before we knew it, it was time for pancakes.

Though it was pouring rain the night we drove up, the rest of the weekend was absolutely wonderful.

Then it was time to rejoin civilization.  But, as it turned out, the hedonism wasn't quite over.

Early on the 2nd, another friend who was unable to join us in Vermont decided we needed to continue our friend's birthday celebration by doing a bit of skinny dipping at one of the local beaches.

As the evening neared, I became uncertain about whether I would join.  I attended a Hawaiian slack key guitar performance that was so beautiful and relaxing that I was literally falling asleep in the restaurant.  It had been a long day already, and I was exhausted. 

But at the last minute, it turned out that I didn't actually have a choice about whether I would be attending or not.  My friend and I were to pick up another friend and meet the other 3 at Revere Beach.

I was so glad I didn't lame out.  I would have been devastated if I didn't make it to the beach that night!

At first we were nervous.  Was it illegal for us to be on the beach after sunset?  It was definitely illegal for us to get into the water completely naked.  Was it going to be freezing since it had rained earlier that day?

But then we decided, to hell with it.  How often do we get to do this?  We had decided to just go in topless at the chance that the cops did show up; it would also make for a quick get-away.  After we set up our blanket near the water, we checked the temperature.  It was surprisingly not as bad as it could have been, and that just made us more determined to go for it.

At the stroke of midnight, the 6 of us went running into the Atlantic Ocean, alive and free.  It felt so good, we did it twice!  I don't believe anyone went in completely, but we definitely got ourselves good and wet.

free women

It was amazing.  Absolutely amazing.  What a wonderful way to spend a 40th birthday.

After dining on some delicious banana bread and reflecting on our spontaneous adventure, we were all ready to head to dreamland.  I truly feel blessed to know that I have these type of women in my life.  I can only hope that my 30th and my 40th birthdays are spent with such powerful and inspiring people.

Now for something completely different...

I firstly would like to apologize for anyone who doesn't really care, but I just wanted to share a blog post from my "other life" in which I'm outraged about the state of affairs.

What state of affairs, you ask?  Well...it seems that there seems to be more and more messages about how "bad" and "dirty" our bodies are.

So, here's a link to my other blog and the post:
http://goddesscecilia.blogspot.com/2010/02/taking-v-day-on-another-level.html

Hopefully, no one gets offended, but I just wanted to share.

To the Stars, Please Take Care of My Lola

My Lola took her last breath today.

About a week ago, we were told that she, already in hospice care, was nearing the end.  I could feel that folks were still holding on to her.  So, I wrote this letter to my Lola.

This past weekend, I had the fortunate opportunity to go home for this unfortunate reason.

The whole 2 days, I felt that I needed  to be really strong for the family.  While I feel that I had a more realistic point of view about her passing, it was difficult to see her in bed the whole time, being fed small amounts of food and given oxygen.  What a way to sustain life.

But my grandmother was a strong woman.

Though she didn't open her eyes at all, she seemed responsive.  I told her how we were going to be alright.  My siblings, my cousins, all us kids.  We'd be okay.  I told her I was leaving for Boston again, but that I'd be back.

She would make a noise signaling that she heard us.  She would raise her eyebrows acknowledging our words.  At one point, she scrunched her face up, almost to say that she didn't believe it was me as she was so used to me being away.

I broke just then, after trying to be strong for the family and for myself.  I broke.  I apologized for being so far away.  I apologized for always leaving.  I told her I loved her.  I told her we would be okay, though I almost didn't believe myself at that moment.

But she taught us that we need to be strong too.

She was 90 years old.  She was a mother of 12, grandmother to over 30, great-grandmother to over 10 and then some.  She's left us all with powerful life lessons, a strong sense of family, and a healthy appetite.

Throughout the month, I will be using this space to honor my Lola the best way I can - with the food she cooked for us kids.

With that, I wanted to post this poem for my family, and a video my mom and cousin put together for her 90th birthday celebration.

“You can shed tears that she is gone,

or you can smile because she has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,

or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,

or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,

or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember her only that she is gone,

or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind,

be empty and turn your back.

Or you can do what she'd want:

smile, open your eyes, love and go on.”

--David Harkins

Leonida Garcia Rodriguez

September 12, 1919 to February 3, 2010

I love you, Lola.

Catharsis

Who knew that letting go would feel so good?

I am SO not a super dramatic type of person.  I might talk big, but really that's it.  I'm all talk, really.

But this time around, I knew I couldn't keep going without taking some action, and getting with my girls and casting my past hurt into a pyre.

The entire Saturn's Return experience has really been rough for me.  It's been a lot of things that just keep piling up - personal stuff, family's health, stuff with the boyfriend - more and more seems to keep happening.

There's been a lot on my plate.  But luckily, my East Coast/Social Work Ladies were here to fill my plate with love and support.

Mmmmm...taco action and mint chocolate chip cookies....

While we weren't a complete set due to scheduling and life, the 6 of us who were there were all given the floor to fully share all that we've been carrying - such a social work move!

All around the table, we talked about what's been happening.  Issues with other friends; wedding planning; relationships with co-workers, boyfriends, husbands, and family members; old loves and new prospects; health issues; and what it's really like to put yourself and your needs first.

We talked, we laughed, we teared up (okay...I cried...I'm a crier...).  But we also discussed, offered advice, and listened.

You'd think we were part of a clinical support group!  But seriously, it felt like how a women's community should feel.  None of the competitiveness, none of the jealousy, all of the support.

After all the stories, close to midnight it turns out, we were all getting sleepy.  But before we closed our night, we started a fire, and I burned some no longer needed items.

A Contract for 1 Heart and 1 Soul

I was telling the girls about how I don't ever see myself acting this way.  It was very "Waiting to Exhale," when Angela Bassett gathered all her husbands items, chucks them into his car and sets it on fire.  It was very maarte.

Waaaay too excited!

Maarte, in Tagalog, means being very dramatic, high maintenance, and making a big show of something.  I'm so not maarte.  But I was with that fire pit.

Rising flames

Before we went out into the cold winter night, we quickly looked through my pictures and I shared my memories with them.  I feel no remorse for burning the pictures.  I didn't burn them all, as many of my pictures are still in Los Angeles, but I don't plan to burn them all either.  But I don't feel that the ones I had in my possession are of any more use to me, here in Boston or in the future.

I'll always have the memories, and I'm hopefully using whatever lessons I learned from that time in my life.

There was no mourning...

Though we didn't want to force it, we did feel like something needed to be said while the images burned, almost like a toast.

We all felt, though, that while the event was spawned by needing to release past hurt, we were also helping to create new hope.  As the violent flames slowly burned out into ash and steam, we reflected on all the hope and possibility that awaited us all.

Probably due to the photo chemicals, this last bit wouldn't go out.

We each threw in a bit of snow to help with the end.

As we all acknowledged that many of us were in the midst of Saturn's Return or major transition, we knew that this night really helped to set the course for the rest of the year.  Though I'm sure we'll be seeing each other again soon in other social situations, I'm looking forward to another night of being maarte.