Thursday, June 14, 2012

Interesting Offers on the First Beach Weekend of 2012

It had been too warm of a winter.  And now it's been somewhat of a cloudy summer.  Still relatively warm, don't get me wrong.  But still not the consistently sunny-with-a-couple-of-pretty-clouds-in-the-sky kind of summer I would hope for.

Actually, let me take that back.  It's not even officially summer.

But, on the days when it has been beautiful, I am certain to be spending it outside in some fashion.

A couple of weeks ago, we had quite a bit of rainy days followed by a beautiful weekend.  Two of my girl friends and I made our way to Crane Beach, one of the North Shore beaches here in Massachusetts.
beach supplies
On a complete sidebar, do you remember that so-horrible-I-can't-stop-watching-it afternoon soap opera, "Passions"?  It was the only soap I watched ever.  It was so bad.  So cheesy.  I loved it!  But, if you remember, the wealthy family lived in "Harmony, New England," and their last name was Crane!  Well, Crane Beach is part of the Crane Estate, and though it's now a public area (but there's still fees for everything), I can't help but think back to Passions.

Anywhos, back to my story.

So, here we are, lounging on this gorgeous beach. The sand is warm, the water is (relatively) warm.  It's beautiful.
sparkly sand
I notice this one large man carrying a large gallon of water.  I thought about how strange it was since it wasn't that hot.  Then I realize that he spots the 3 of us on our towels, and he proceeds to park himself on a nearby spot.  I roll my eyes internally.

Within about 5 minutes, he proceeds to start doing pushups, superman's, snow angels, and crunches.  Then he goes for a jog and returns to chug from his gallon jug.

At some point, one of my friends heads to the water.  Immediately, the man, let's call him Gallon Man, stands up and slowly follows behind her.  My other friend and I are watching intently to see what will come of this situation. 

Eventually, he seems to say something to her, as we see her turn towards him.  They separate ways.  Oh, man!  I couldn't wait to see what she had to say!

We get up and walk towards her, ready to hear what he had said to her.  Apparently, he said, "Compliments on the view."

Wooooow.  Ballsy.

When we all head back to our towels, Gallon Man is back at his.  He overhears our conversation and proceeds to chime in.  I believe it had something to do with Norway and the Baltic area.  He shared that he had been to that area, also stating that he had been to "Swedish."  Oops.

After sharing a bit about his experience, he then proceeds to get up and approach us three, asking how we knew each other.  When we explained that we knew each other through Middle Eastern dance, he then explained he knew we were dancers.  We walked so "gracefully," and the way our bodies moved definitely meant we were dancers.

It hasn't even gotten to the good part, y'all.

He then tells us we're all "Goddesses."  He would love the chance to "worship" us.  If he put all of our bodies together we would be some sort of supreme goddess.  He said something about my strong legs, my friend's butt, and my other friend's lower back. 

Believe me, I was face down in my towel trying not to laugh in his face.

He continued to ask if he could "worship" us, and I had to speak up and ask him to clarify.  He said he would just love to give each one of us a quick kiss on those parts of our body he decided were worship-worthy.  He even said, in a somewhat begging voice, that he would do upside down push ups for a chance to worship us.

What the heck are upside down push ups?  I honestly feel like he would have to be on his back or something.  But my friends said he was talking about being in a handstand position, then doing the push-up movement.

Ridiculous.  Just ridiculous.

After laughing a bit about him, and learning that he was some Buddhist martial arts instructor, we settle back into our respective towels. 

Eventually, he got up to leave and began to virtually beg us to let him "worship" us.  We end up convincing one of my friends to let him kiss her lower back.  It was kind of hilarious, really.  She said it felt really "chaste," as though if was one of us giving the other a quick peck.

He then grabbed all his belongings and went along his merry way.   We couldn't believe any of that actually happened.  I wondered out loud if he was going down the beach to try it on some other schmucks, or perhaps it was a dare, or perhaps he was actually genuine.

Still.  This is the most ridiculous thing to happen to me on a beach in recent memory.

If this is any indication of how the rest of the summer is going to be, I can't even express to you how excited I am!

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