Sunday, September 13, 2009

Mercury in Retrograde + Saturn's Return = ?@&*

I'm definitely interested in astrology.  Though I don't think it's the letter of the law - just like most systems of belief - I think it can be equally entertaining and insightful.
Aries-Taurus Cusp - that's my lower back and me!

When I started this blog, I talked about Saturn's Return, which I'm definitely swimming in right now.  But every so often, Mercury goes into Retrograde...and around this time in my life, I'm trying to count the blessings where they fall and keep positive as much as I can....Not so easy when things are failing around you.

So far, the result of this combination has been interesting. 

For those who aren't in the know, my day job is being threatened.  We've lost about half of our funding, as we have relied on the schools that house us for the majority of said funding.  This means half of our program is gone, and half of my salary is gone.  I basically live paycheck to paycheck, and at the end of August I was concerned that I wasn't going to be able to pay rent.

That leaves a lot of unanswered questions.  As far as the day job goes, we're just trying to maintain some stability at the one school we're at.  I still have a job...but we're working on some fundraising strategies to make sure I still have one come the end of the month.  What's tough is that I actually get along with my boss (so much so that we're often laughing about ridiculous things or talking about Mercury in Retrograde during our meetings), I love the kids I work with, and I genuinely feel like I'm making an impact with at least one student in whatever little way.  So, while I'm trying to protect myself and look for other opportunities, it's really difficult for me to know that I have to leave not of my own free will.


While this is whole thing has been very disheartening (I can't even think about the kids who were expecting us to be there as their support team...I'll just start to cry...), I feel like there's been a lot of signs telling me to consider my dreams and aspirations.

Near the end of August, I started posting my ideas about starting my own nonprofit on Facebook.  I got into social work because I knew that I could run an organization better than many other organizations are running.  The response was overwhelmingly encouraging!  So many of my friends and previous-classmates-now-colleagues piped up about how I should go for it and that they believed in my ideas as well.  I thought, "Wow!  Clearly my idea is a great one!  I could really actually make this happen..."

Basically, the problem I want to address with my nonprofit is the lack of accessible music, performing arts, and fine arts in public schools.  While those extracurricular activities are usually the first to get cut when funding is low, the programs that do exist outside the school are ridiculously expensive and expect that a child should have had some training already.  Now, I'm not saying that music and the arts are for every child.  But they at least need the option.  I also think that teens should be teaching younger kids, while the teens can learn from college students or professionals!  For the teens, they not only get to expand their learning, they can also pass on their knowledge and develop their relational skills with younger kids.  It's like, paying it forward...immediately!

Then I started worrying about the "how" part.  How do I do this?  How do I start?  How do I get financial support?  How do I start a nonprofit?  I'd love to have teens come to elementary and middle schools to mentor young kids, but how do you get them out of school to do something like that?  Adults will volunteer left and right, so that's not the hardest part of this.

But...the signs to go for it wouldn't stop coming.  I ended up having an Angel Card reading done.  I asked the reader about my work situation.  After asking me to call in "my angels," I thought about my paternal grandfather and my friend Carlo who passed.  If guardian angels were real, they would be the ones helping me out.  She pulled 3 cards.  I don't remember specifically what the cards were (I am more familiar with Tarot).  But the first card expressed that things were going to change greatly, that the familiar would be so different or not exist at all.  The second card expressed that I had ideas that I need to follow, and it seemed like the universe is trying to push me in that direction.  The third card was the daughter card.  I told the reader that that card makes me very nervous.  In tarot card spreads that I've done for myself, I've seen a lot of signs about motherhood.  Now, clearly I am really a everyone.  But a girl can't be too cautious!  The reader said that there's probably someone in my life that I see as a daughter-figure.  I didn't realize it then, but now I know that the daughter figure was/is my boss (in this whole process of possibly losing our organization, I've definitely felt the need to try to protect her.....not necessarily the best situation, now is it?).

The reader then asked me what my idea was about, so I told her about my nonprofit idea.  She then said, "Let's ask the angels about your idea."  She proceeds to start shuffling the cards again, and suddenly one of them falls right out of the deck.  She places that card on the table.  This is that card:
You can do it! - Use your abilities to resolve this situation. You can do it!

Well, alrighty then.  That pretty much blew my mind.  I else can anyone take that?  That's not the end of it.

On that fateful day that my boss and I learned that we were losing half of our funding, I had the most inspiring dream.  I was bicycling up a steep hill.  I had to pedal with all that I had, and luckily there was even a bike lane.  Finally, I made it to the top, but I was far from over.  I had to climb a grassy knoll.  It was slippery, but there were all these people just sitting having a picnic.  Then I got to the top of that hill, but there were these concrete dividers with all these people sitting on them as far up and down as the eye can see.  I needed to get to the other side of these dividers!  I realized there was one other girl trying to get to the other side too.  So we started to look for a way over together.  Finally, we found this one section of the barricade that was slightly shorter.  It looked like a place for the press to sit.  So, this other girl and I stepped right on over the shorter section.  And as we made it to the other side, and as the parade was passing and the girl and I dance in celebration, a song started playing:  "What a feeling!  Being's believin'!  I can't have it all now I'm dancing for my life.  Take your passion, and make it happen.  Pictures come alive, you can dance right through your life."

It was the song playing on my alarm.  My wake-up call.

So, amid all the craziness that's going on, the planets and the universe seem to be telling me to go for my idea.  I'll admit that it frightens me.  I'm not sure where to begin.  

C'mon, planets!  What's next?

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