Unemployment Woes

Tomorrow is the first day of September.  Around this time last year, my boss and I were horribly heart-broken about the loss of our high school program, and we were trying to figure out how we would change the entire organization to work with what we had left.

Though I was unemployed by October, I kept on going.  It was foolish, idealistic, and wrongly optimistic.  But I don't regret sticking around.  The stress was balanced by an amazing group of interns who kept us on our toes and who kept us laughing.

But now, it's almost been a year.  I'm still unemployed.  If I were being practical, I probably would have really sought out paid employment while I was still "contracted."  I should have really tried to go all out on my side job, but I honestly chickened out on that opportunity.

I know it was extremely frustrating for the boyfriend, who then found himself unemployed in December.  We were both struggling, but I continued to work for practically nothing.  I was frustrated at him because I felt that I was giving my job my all, and he didn't understand the passion I had for the work.

After my job was officially over in June, I still had faith that something would come my way.  I still have faith that something will come my way.  But I have to say that I'm officially frustrated with my situation.

I don't really enjoy living off unemployment.  I can barely make ends meet while trying to enjoy myself.  I don't want to be on unemployment anymore.

I've applied to so many different jobs and so many organizations.  Am I just not qualified?  Am I overqualified?  Is it not the right fit?  I guess if it's not meant to be, then it's not meant to be.  But I haven't even had a single job interview.  Maybe I'm just not good on paper?  I don't know anymore.

I'm sure that my own actions have played a part in this.  I've sought out specific types of jobs in certain organizations, and have barely looked outside of Boston.

Part of my original plan was to keep looking in Boston, but if nothing came up by this time then I would start looking in Los Angeles.  But I'm still not ready to do so.  At this point, the boyfriend has applied to grad school in Boston, and I want to be able to support that.

But I'm still not giving up hope.

The other day, the boyfriend and I were chatting about my frustrations.  He told me how frustrated he had been all year with my actions.  But he also told me that he sees the way kids light up when they see me in the neighborhood.  He said that by not working right now, I am almost denying that joy to other kids.

I really had to think about that.

What he said gave me some renewed hope.  I realized that I was looking for a very specific job, and would turn away others that weren't as interesting.  But I'm trying to up my game and look beyond what I think I might want.  Also, nothing is necessarily permanent.  People change jobs all the time.  But I have to let go of some of my stubbornness and open my eyes a bit more.

Working hard to find work...