Thursday, October 8, 2009

Hanging On As A Fool

Hang On Little Tomato
by Pink Martini

The sun has left and forgotten me
It’s dark, I cannot see
Why does this rain pour down
I’m gonna drown
In a sea
Of deep confusion

Somebody told me, I don’t know who
Whenever you are sad and blue
And you’re feelin’ all alone and left behind
Just take a look inside and you will find

You gotta hold on, hold on through the night
Hang on, things will be all right
Even when it’s dark
And not a bit of sparkling
Sing-song sunshine from above
Spreading rays of sunny love

Just hang on, hang on to the vine
Stay on, soon you’ll be divine
If you start to cry, look up to the sky
Something’s coming up ahead
To turn your tears to dew instead

And so I hold on to his advice
When change is hard and not so nice
If you listen to your heart the whole night through
Your sunny someday will come one day soon to you


Like I mentioned before, I've been trying to stay extremely positive about all the funding cut from th organization I work for.  Everyone's been telling me to be rational...start looking for a job NOW...apply for unemployment benefits...fundraise...volunteer...

So.  My resume is updated.  I've signed up for unemployment benefits.  I still feel like I can't exactly sit around in my apartment spending time staring at the same job search results.  So.  I'm "volunteering" at my organization.  In the best of situations, something substantial comes up and I can finish my year with them.  In the worst of situations, I will continue to volunteer until the end of the month...I will keep supervising my intern...and I'll just keep searching til something happens.

I don't think people have understood, though I know they come with the best intentions.  Not that I don't appreciate the help and support and the emails with job postings attached.  But here's how it is:

If I'm a fool for sticking around because of my passion...then let me be that fool.  I can't just work at some place without truly believing in it.  I can't just suck it up and plug in at some heartless soulless job.  I can't NOT interact with the people I'm helping .  And you know what....I won't.  I would be miserable and would thus suck at that job.

The Hanged Man and The Fool

Support me when I ask for it (and maybe sometimes when I'm too stubborn to ask for it)...but allow me my foolishness.

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