Now that Thanksgiving has come and gone, I've already seen Christmas trees on top of cars and all lit up in apartment windows. Hanukkah is right around the corner, and the Winter Solstice is already showing itself in the dimming daylight.
I have to admit that the crisp air has already made me crave snow. I'm super excited about all the holiday parties and get-togethers. But, I'm also quite excited about the holiday shopping.
Now, the shopping is probably the part that will get me in trouble. I know I shouldn't even be thinking about it, considering that my funds are unbelievably low right now. But, as you'll see from my Holiday Shopping Calendar, there are some amazing events taking place.
For the most part, I'm going to limit myself to 3 events that are consistently fruitful in the gift-giving arena. In chronological order, I am planning to hit up:
Bazaar Bizarre on Sunday, December 5th (I already bought an early bird ticket)
As you can see, I really like the handmade, local and/or small business, one-of-a-kind type of gifts. I love some of the imagination that I see in all the crafts that I come across at these events.
I promise that I will try not to overdo it when I attend these events. I will make my rounds, and then I will purchase. I can't make any promises on any cute things that I want to keep for myself, though. *grin*
Otherwise, I have worked on creating another Holiday Survival Plan that shouldn't cost me much of anything. It mainly involves listening to holiday music (which I'll admit I started listening to the week before Thanksgiving), hilarious and uplifting movies, and generally keeping cozy.
I'm really looking forward to the holidays, with all the merriment, togetherness, and cheer. Even though it's going to be a bit of a challenge to not grab up every cute item I come across, I'm feeling quite confident about my Holiday Survival Plan.
After starting to live in with the boyfriend about 3 years ago, he introduced me to the French Press. I was used to putting lots of sugar in my coffee to offset the bitterness, but then he taught me to just add more milk.
Now I've learned that if I just fill my cup halfway with milk, then pour the coffee, I have the perfect blend of caffeine and sweetness. I'm proud to say that I have stopped using sugar in my coffee.
My mornings
Sometimes, it's difficult to travel and stay at someone else place when they don't have anything but an automatic coffee maker. I mean, we'll make do, and we're just genuinely happy that there's even coffee at all.
But it's always nice to come home, boil some water, grind our dark roast coffee beans, and make our own coffee our own way.
There's nothing like getting devastating news to make you really sit down and think about what you're thankful for.
I finally got word via letter that I was not chosen for the Program Manager position. I am devastated to say the least. I really wanted that job and I know I could have been a super star at it. I've really put a lot of other things on hold for that job, and maybe that wasn't the right thing to do.
I thought about what I might have done wrong. I thought about what I could have done better. Honest to goodness, I tried my best to stay positive about it and to not let it really get to me. But it did. I wept like I had lost something that was really only briefly mine.
So, now I feel like I'm back at square one. Time to start over. The Wheel of Fortune stopped there for a brief time and said, "Hmm..no, I don't think so." Just when I thought that maybe Saturn had loosened his grip, he just tightens the hold.
And now I'm back at trying to find the positive at a moment when I feel like nothing is.
It's times like these that Facebook really shows it's power. As I had publicly declared how much I wanted the position (foolishly thinking that that little bit would help me get the job...okay, I take that back...positive thinking is just really difficult right now...), I felt that I had to publicly share that I did not get the position.
The comments from my friends showed their support. Though I always feel bad that they are sad for me, I really felt that their comments were little hugs helping to strengthen me. Their comments helped me feel the sadness, but reminded me that it just means there's something better.
Then, my mom shared a sequence of videos from Disney's "The Rescuers."
The first one made me ball up in my chair and just wish for simpler times when everything felt in order. But it also felt the most comforting. I could almost fell my mom's hand on my head, in an attempt to shelter me from all the hurt.
As I wiped the tears from my eyes, I watched the second video. Though watching it only caused more tears, it reminded me that part of who I am is to find that silver lining.
I will have my good days and my bad days, but each day is only a tiny step into a lifetime. Take from it what you can and learn and apply it to making things better. The absence of a full-time position is an opportunity to build my side job into a real part-time job and maybe more, a chance to really take part in self care, and time to really develop my ideas for my nonprofit.
I won't stop looking for a full-time position and I won't stop building my side job into something that could still supplement my income.
So, what am I thankful for this Thanksgiving?
I am thankful for the boyfriend (who's forehead kisses always make me feel better).
I am thankful for the kitties (who keep me on my toes, wake me in the morning, and allow me to love them).
I am thankful for my friends (near and far, who remind me every day even if we don't speak that day about where I've come from and where I'm going).
I am thankful for our tiny, filled-with-crap, 1-fuse-box, stompy-neighbors apartment (complete with comfy bed and "princess" chair).
I am thankful for my feet (which have helped me express myself through dance, taken me to distant lands, and sometimes remind me to take care of myself).
I am thankful for my voice (which reflects my moods, energy levels, and love of cheesy music).
I am thankful for my family (which continues to grow and evolve, reminding me that I will one day be responsible for my own).
Lastly, I am eternally thankful to my two loving parents, who unceasingly support my crazy decision to stay in Boston (not without questions about when I am moving back to L.A.), whose spirits I carry proudly with me every day, and whose love continues to support me and build me up via YouTube.
These are a few of my favorite things about the fall.
October 2010 Warren St. T Stop, Brighton, MA While I was waiting for the T, I just couldn't help but be in awe of the gorgeous colors in the trees. It's amazing how the tops go red first.
November 2010 Brighton, MA This is the view from our living room window. It's not the best. But there are some beautiful sunset colors that we get to witness. It's like the sky complements the colors of the trees by taking care of the other part of the spectrum.
There was a crack on the side of it, and the weight would jump 10 above and 10 below what I had thought my weight was.
It was a digital scale, but I needed something different.
So, I bought a new fancy scale that also shows your water weight, body fat percentage, and Body Mass Index.
Mencken disapproves of the scale.
It's been great, and much more accurate than the previous scale.
But my weight isn't really improving. The whole process just frustrates me.
I've been working out pretty consistently, doing both strength training, cardio, and throwing in pilates and yoga when I can afford a class. Then, of course, there's belly dance.
In the past several weeks, I feel like I've noticed a change in my body because it looks different. But I feel like I must have some strange way of looking at things, because the scale is either going up or staying the same.
I know there's the whole belief that muscle weighs more than fat, but I feel like it's just utter bull. I have a lovely belly dance friend who talks about this in her weight loss blog.
What's difficult, in the end, I think is that scale. Yet it's still something I feel the need to rely on. There are always different groups of people and activities I'm joining where we see how much we've collectively lost by a certain time. I'm thinking I need to stop joining those groups because they just aren't working for me. That is...after this last group I've joined.
So, what then? What should I do? If every week, I weigh myself and nothing really changes, what am I doing wrong?
I'm trying not to be negative. But I do feel like I'm at a complete loss sometimes.
I know that part of my 2010 goal was to get over the damn scale. But maybe it's time I really make a commitment to that concept. While it might not happen by the end of 2010, I know it's not something I can just go with for a month. This is a life's worth of effort.
Here's my plan:
I will still weigh myself every week.
Every month, I will measure my waist, my hips, my arms, and my thighs.
I will have an update on the sidebar as well as a dedicated page logging my progress (linked above), and once in a while I will blog about it.
