Monday, June 22, 2009

Makati vs. Makatí

kati: Word: kati
English Definition: 1) lowtide (noun) 2) itchy, scratchy -- MAKATI (adj)
Tagalog: kati English: lowtide, itchy, scratchy

When I was younger, my mom told me that I was always moving around. "If you're not moving, you're talking. If you're not talking, you're moving," she'd say. "Makatí yung paa!" Literally, "Your feet are itchy."

Though I've definitely calmed down from that fidgety version of me, I still have "itchy feet."

Now, I know that probably sounds I've got some strange fungus growing on my feet...but I promise you that I don't have any fungi on my toesies.

Interestingly, the word for itchy in Tagalog is the same spelling as the Philippines capital, Makati. The difference, on paper and vocally, is the accent on the i. As someone born in the Philippines, and similar to many Filipino's around the world, the Philippines is still considered "home." I've already wandered far away from the Philippines, traveled to Europe, Mexico. And now, I've wandered far from my Los Angeles home, 3000 miles away to Boston.

I didn't expect to stay on the East Coast as long as I have. I still can't get used to the winters, and I yearn for summer even now that it's officially here. I stayed because I felt like I didn't get to know some of the friends I made, and I wanted to get to know them better. I stayed because I found a job that I was enjoying, getting a lot of good experience. I stayed because I felt like if I went back to L.A, I would be settling - that meant it's time to get married and start a family.

Sorry to say, but I still have itchy feet in that respect.

I still get extremely homesick. I miss my family, my siblings, my parents...I miss my friends and all the changes that are happening in their lives. Wedding, babies, graduations....But I'm not rushing back home..nor am I rushing to that lifestyle.

Most of my friends in Boston are focused on their careers, and I was almost shocked to find that many of them don't necessarily want to have families, or that it wasn't at the top of their list. But it was such a change from the way my conversations would go with friends from home. In truth, it was quite refreshing. But I'm still not on that wavelength either.

I find myself somewhere in the middle. I feel like, for me, I need to be ready and stable - emotionally, physically, financially. I'm definitely not stable or ready at this point in time.

But even though I'm in Boston, living with the boyfriend, working full-time + part-time...I still get itchy feet. Is it time to move elsewhere? What's next in this life? What other places do I want to see in the world? It was a crazy set of circumstances that led me to where I am now...and it makes me think of where other people are in their lives as well. Maybe it's Saturn's Return that brings all of this up. I know I have so much more time to do all of these things, and that I don't feel the need to rush into anything.

Everyone's got their opinions. You should get married before a certain age, you should have babies before a certain age, you shouldn't freak out because you're still young, you should have babies early in your career to get it out of the way, you should have a stable career and a stable husband, you should move home, you're still young, you're getting old, aren't you scared of being alone and lonely for the rest of your life?

It's daunting. I'm more scared of people freaking out at me than at my own aging. I think I'd make a cute old lady and a super cute Lola (grandma)!

In the end, it just makes me itchy thinking about it.

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