Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Dream Escapes - Packing Late

I had this dream a couple of weeks ago, but now I feel like I've had time to really think about it.

I was running around, being generally busy.  I felt like I was running around the same location a lot.

My boyfriend suddenly stopped me, saying, "What are you doing?  We need to leave in 20 minutes!"

I suddenly remembered that we were heading to Maine, and we needed to leave as quickly as we could.  But, I was having so much trouble packing.  I didn't know what to pack, and I was hesitant about packing.

I could feel him getting so angry at me, but I just didn't want to rush.


Goodness, is it really obvious what this is about, or what?  I know he doesn't really read my blog, and if he does read this it's not a surprise because I'm very honest with him.  But I am so not ready to be married to him.

He's so ready to go.  And I've been straight up with him, saying that if he asks me now, I would have to say no.

We argue about really stupid sh*t.  Including money.  The way I look at it, I feel like I should be able to handle my own finances before getting into a financial contract like marriage.  And being unemployed...no, wait..the BOTH of us being unemployed isn't exactly a good time to be financially stable.

In the end, I'm sure it's supposed to be all about how much we love each other.  But it's deeper, folks.  Why I'm about to admit this to the blogophere, I don't know...but here it is.

I don't know if I can handle all the issues that he's already got.  I don't know if I can be strong enough to handle my own problems along with his.  He still needs to figure out what his passions are in life outside of our relationship, while I feel like I've been passionate about something for most of my life.  What if we have children?  Would he be able to handle all the stress?

I know that most of my hesitance really comes from my own preferences, my own belief systems, and my own guidelines for the way I live my life.

He seems to be ready to move on to another part of his life, regardless of what he's got packed in his suitcase.  I, on the other hand, am still trying to find the right things to bring along with me.

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