Monday, March 26, 2012

28 Til 30 - Last Time to Lose My Cool

I've been out of school for almost 6 years now.  I've been in the working world and the unemployment world for 6 years now.

For the most part, I understand being professional in specific settings.  I like that my current jobs give me the freedom to dye my hair and have modestly hidden tattoos.

But this Monday, I almost had a legitimate shit fit at work.

We were scheduled for several trainings for an all-day professional development.  I didn't actually know what trainings we were going to be getting.

When I finally took a look at the agenda, I noticed that we were having a training on cyberbullying.  Suddenly, a wave of fear and anger rose up in me.  ANOTHER bullying training?  "Please, for all that's good and decent in this world, please don't let it be lead by the same woman who led that bogus bullying training from last summer...."

*cue flashback to bullying training in June 2011*

When I think of trainings, I expect to get some practical information that I can apply to my job.  Being that I was fairly new to working at an after school and summer camp, I knew I needed to learn how to work with kids in a non-social work setting.  So, I was initially looking forward to these trainings.

As the bullying training commenced, I was a bit confused as to why the trainer needed us to talk about our own experiences with bullying.  I didn't really think it was necessarily relevant in this professional setting.  From a social work perspective, a trainer wouldn't necessarily want to trigger anyone's unpleasant experiences by asking them to share how they were bullied or how they bullied others.

Then, the trainer started talking about how she was part of a group of bullies who made fun of a kid with body odor.  She then proceeded to justify her actions.  That's right.  She justified being a bully.

I don't remember her exact wording, but it was something along the lines of, "He should have known better!"

I know for a fact that I made a face.  Then I raised my hand and said something about blaming the victim for their actions.  She continued to justify her actions.

At that point, I shut down for the rest of the training.  I let it go, but I didn't realize how angry I was about it until the next day when I brought it up to a coworker.

*flashforward to March 2012, as we're about to head into a cyberbullying training*

I hoped beyond hope that the training would be lead by someone else.  I told my coworkers that I would legit walk out of the room if she was doing the training.  When I asked my supervisor just as we were about to head to the training, he confirmed my fears.

I nearly dropped to the floor in anguish.  I told him that I didn't think I could sit in another training with that woman.  I just didn't think I could do it without getting extremely angry.  I explained to him that the last training was the worst training I had ever been to, and that I just didn't think I could handle myself.

Basically, I lost my cool.

As we walked to the training, my supervisor encouraged me to stay positive, keep it professional, and give it a chance.  Just as he was finishing his encouragement, we got to the elevator and the trainer came from around the corner to join us for the elevator ride.

I tried my best not to run for it.  I just looked down, and held on firmly to my belongings.

Luckily, I remembered that I had several crystals in my purse.  So I reached for one of them to hold onto during the training.

If I was even luckier, she would have said something unbelievably horrifying and unprofessional and I would have thrown the crystal at her.

The truth is, she was lucky that she was basically delivering someone else's training, albeit crappily.  I was glad that I had my rock to meditate on when she was saying or doing things that I didn't necessarily agree with.

I think that, really, the most frustrating thing is that I know that I - well, any of my fellow group leaders, really - could have run the training so much better than her.  The fact that they had her deliver another training on bullying was frustrating and angering to most of us who feel that we deserve better training, or at least get paid to do the training ourselves.

I have yet to get into a real physical altercation.  But it nearly happened in these final days of my 20's.  I guess I can't rule it out completely yet.
I will fight you...with or without my hair-stache...

1 comment:

  1. I can't believe she would justify bullying others at a BULLYING training. I don't know if I could have had your restraint. The crystal rock is a good idea, though. I think I may need to invest in one of those.


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