Revisiting 2010 Goals: Too Much Baggage

4. Do some serious purging so that our apartment isn't so cluttered.

In all honesty, I've done relatively well with donating my clothes to thrift stores, and I've used the receipts in my taxes.  But, I'm a really good consumer.  Though I try my best, it seems that my closet just doesn't get emptied.

In the past several weeks of absolute financial desperation, I'd taken to try to sell some of my items on Craigslist.  For the most part, I've only received emails from spammers, and that has been incredibly disheartening.

Of all the things I am planning to be rid of, the one item that breaks my heart is my very first electric bass and amp.

<3

I figured that I have my acoustic electric here, which my parents shipped to me for a lot of money, and the bass and amp are taking up more space.  I have a lot of great memories with that bass, but it's really time to pass it along to a better home.  I'm thinking about taking it to a local shop to trade it for cash.  I'm hoping that that very little will go to helping me feel less anxious and depressed about my finances.

Yesterday, I decided to take several of my clothing items, jewelry, shoes, and purses down to a new consignment store in Allston.  I had already spent the morning having a panic attack and crying at therapy because of unemployment ending in this upcoming weekend.

So, I took my bags of items down to the Buffalo Exchange, and these two skinny hipster girls perused through my bag, looking for something they could sell.

What's your worth?

As I stood at the counter, watching them lay out my items, talking quietly among themselves, I looked around at the shoppers.  They were all college students, hipsters, trust fund kids.  Okay, fine, so I'm assuming this.  But there were definitely some hipster shorts in the store, being sold and being worn.

"We won't be able to take any of your items today.  But if you find more, please bring it down for us to check out."

I tried to stay calm.  I tried not to feel like my worthless items were not a reflection of how much I was worth.

But as I opened the door to my apartment after bringing my belonging back on the T, I burst out into tears.  I just wanted the measly couple of bucks they would give me for my items, and yet that wasn't even happening for me.  Who knew that in the process of getting rid of items I no longer need that my dignity would get lost.

So, while my goal of purging my items isn't even remotely close to being completed, I have at least been able to separate them from items I'm still planning to hold on to.  I don't know if I can handle bringing my items anywhere else to be judged by others as worthless, but I just might show them to my friends or bring them to the thrift store.

I'm still waiting for things to feel less difficult in general.  This week has really made me feel absolutely depressed and anxious.  When will that Wheel of Fortune turn my luck around?

Is September over yet?