I Won't Be Home for Christmas

This past weekend, I realized that this Christmas was going to be extremely different from previous years because this would be the first year that I would spend it away from my family.

Since the boyfriend hadn't seen his dad and stepmom since September 2009, I thought that he should definitely spend it with them.  I also wanted to try spending Christmas on the East Coast, and hope for a white Christmas.

Unfortunately, his family dynamics are quite different from mine, and I knew that he wouldn't really reach out to them unless I was coming with him.  So, I had been pushing for him to find out what the plans were for Christmas.  It was taking him a while to get in touch with his dad, and he suddenly admitted that he was just worried that there would be family drama.

At that point, I really realized how different this year is going to be.  While I'm sure it will be an enjoyable and happy holiday, it is definitely going to be different from what I'm used to.

I'm used to tons of (Filipino) food, tons of people, tons of gifts, gift opening at December 24th/12 midnight/December 25th (not the morning of the 25th), loud conversation, and lots of laughs.

Christmas 2009

Last year, the boyfriend got to spend Christmas with my family, when the previous year he had to spend it by himself (due to some family drama).  I figure I need to spend Christmas with his family as well.

With some things coming up for me in terms of my family, I've talked about how I've felt like separating myself a bit.  But, I'm also nervous about my expectations getting in the way of my enjoyment.

I do miss my family, and I'm sad that I'm not going to be with them this year.

But on the other hand, I feel like this is part of growing up.  If I were married, we would have to negotiate the holidays, especially considering that I couldn't expect my partner to be family-less or to not spend time with his family.

I have tons of friends who are already spending holidays away from their families.  This is just the first time I'm doing so.  And really, it's up to me to make it something of my own with my own little family on the East Coast.