15 Til 30 - Thought-Provoking Tarot Card Reading

I was just talking with a friend about how we both were in need of a tarot card reading, and I happened to be around a person who actually read cards.

When I do it for myself, I always feel like I have too much of a bias, and I need someone else's eyes to help me out.  So, I jumped on the opportunity to have my cards read.

I told her a little bit about what's going on, concerning the end of a dream job and the confusions of the dating world.  A lot of what ended up on the cards were pretty spot on.

Basically, I've been too frivolous with my time and/or money, and have been partying quite a bit.  I'm keeping myself distracted by tons of social events (which is so true!).  But I've been pretty guarded with my heart.  It seems that I might need to be more guarded with my money and time, and less so with my heart.

The Star showed up in this reading.  Apparently, this means that the world is literally my oyster.  When she suggested that I pull another card to help direct me, I pulled out The Magician.  This shows that whatever I choose to focus on, I will succeed in.  The problem is that I have to figure out what I want to focus on and go full in.

It kind of blows my mind that I feel like I keep getting a similar message.  But the problem remains the same.  I feel like I always have an idea, but it's more about the "how."  How do I get there?  And how do I make it profitable enough to sustain a lifestyle?

First Tarot Spread of 2011

I've been meaning to pull out my tarot cards for a while now.  With the new year, I sometimes feel like change needs to happen so instantaneously.  Like, at the strike of midnight, my troubles will turn into a pumpkin.

While I know that's not how it works, I still need to get some extra guidance.  And what better time than when there's a new moon in the sky!

As I shuffled the cards, I thought a lot about my financial worries, really looking for a job, all the ideas I've had and plans I've made or put on hold.

Interestingly, all of the cards were quite fitting with each other, and they were all in the Swords, Chalices, and Pentacles suites.  If you know a little about tarot, I'd love to hear your thoughts on that!

Swords, not one of my favorite suits, are generally about thoughts, challenges, and often strife.  Chalices are generally about relationships, emotions, and love.  Pentacles are generally about earthly matters, material things, and finances.

First spread of the year

I did a modified Celtic Cross spread based on several bits of information from other tarot card readers I know.

The start of the spread touched upon my unemployment, losing faith in myself, evaluating and re-evaluating my goals.  It talked about how there will be lulls in my worrying, but it can return if I'm not able to recognize the light within me.  It talked about how past is past, and it's time to move on. 

The spread encouraged me to keep fighting and keep going, to stay motivated.  I've done quite a lot of work, and I need to be able to evaluate it with fresh eyes and continue working.  I have a lot of options coming my way, and I need to make choices based on what I love and not what will pay me the most - otherwise, I will just fail.  The spread reminded me about all that I do have, and that I need to share what I have with others. 

A new job or a new opportunity is on its way, according to the Knave of Pentacles, one where I can use my past resources but also build new experiences.  It talks about how I need to maintain some balance between all the things I'm involved in, and to not be afraid of putting one project aside in order to make room for a new project.  The Ace of Swords talks about all the potential I have within me, and it can work in my favor if I am able to see it, but to stay true to my beliefs.

Finally, my previous boss pointed out that a major spread should be concluded with a card from the Major Arcana.  So, as I pulled out more cards, the first Major Arcana card to show itself was The Moon.

Really, how appropriate that this card would show itself on the day of a New Moon.  Really, generally, how appropriate.

The Moon touches upon having to walk my path through some darkness, and possibly by myself.  I have to keep the faith in myself and let go of my mental blocks.  I can't wait for the sun to show, because the opportunities might disappear at that point.  Eventually, the path will be revealed and the lessons I've learned during this journey will only benefit me later.

Definitely some valuable insight in this reading.  One that I've heard from others, and need constant reminders of.  I might be holding on to The Moon card, perhaps place it in my datebook as a reminder.

Wheel of Fortune or Misfortune?

In the past 2 weeks, I've had 2 interviews.  Both are great opportunities, ones from which I could use my skills as well as learn more skills.

The first position is for a part time, temporary position at a school, covering for a social worker going on maternity leave.  I'd get to work with kids again, though I'm wondering how different they will be from the kids I'm used to working with.

The second position is for a great organization that I've worked with before through my previous job.  I'd get to work with kids, and I'd get to learn about how to maintain my bicycle.  I'd probably be doing a lot of biking, too.

As of this week, I've already heard back from the first position asking if I'm still interested in the position.  I told them that I would let them know my decision in the next week, since I had a chance for a full-time position.  They seemed understanding about it, and it was the most professional thing I could do. 

I would feel extremely conflicted if I was working there and then offered a wonderful opportunity.  The self-care part of me would say that I would have to take the full-time position.  But the nice part of me says that I would stick it out, because I finish what I start (and isn't that what got me in this predicament in the first place?).

After the second position interview, I found another position as a health educator at one of the local prestigious universities.  I knew several people who work there, and they are helping me pass my resume along while I had already applied.  I would love to hear back from them sooner than later.  In fact, this is the job that I would want the most out of the three.

But what do I do?  Can beggars be choosers?  If I get the second position, do I keep waiting to get an interview for the 3rd position?  How long do I wait?

At some point last week, I decided I needed to consult my tarot cards.  One card really stood out to me.

The Wheel of Fortune basically signifies that change is on its way, but that the way things change and the result of the change is just something I have to ride out and wait for.  While that doesn't mean that I just keep sitting and waiting and not doing anything, it does mean that whatever path I end up on is the one that's destined for me.

It was a little bit scary to see that in my reading.  It means that I need to just sit tight.  It means that all this waking up feeling absolutely useless every morning is going to change.  But change how?  We'll see, huh?

Hanging On As A Fool

Hang On Little Tomato

by Pink Martini

The sun has left and forgotten me

It’s dark, I cannot see

Why does this rain pour down

I’m gonna drown

In a sea

Of deep confusion


Somebody told me, I don’t know who

Whenever you are sad and blue

And you’re feelin’ all alone and left behind

Just take a look inside and you will find


You gotta hold on, hold on through the night

Hang on, things will be all right

Even when it’s dark

And not a bit of sparkling

Sing-song sunshine from above

Spreading rays of sunny love


Just hang on, hang on to the vine

Stay on, soon you’ll be divine

If you start to cry, look up to the sky

Something’s coming up ahead

To turn your tears to dew instead

And so I hold on to his advice

When change is hard and not so nice

If you listen to your heart the whole night through

Your sunny someday will come one day soon to you

********************


Like I mentioned before, I've been trying to stay extremely positive about all the funding cut from th organization I work for.  Everyone's been telling me to be rational...start looking for a job NOW...apply for unemployment benefits...fundraise...volunteer...

So.  My resume is updated.  I've signed up for unemployment benefits.  I still feel like I can't exactly sit around in my apartment spending time staring at the same job search results.  So.  I'm "volunteering" at my organization.  In the best of situations, something substantial comes up and I can finish my year with them.  In the worst of situations, I will continue to volunteer until the end of the month...I will keep supervising my intern...and I'll just keep searching til something happens.

I don't think people have understood, though I know they come with the best intentions.  Not that I don't appreciate the help and support and the emails with job postings attached.  But here's how it is:

If I'm a fool for sticking around because of my passion...then let me be that fool.  I can't just work at some place without truly believing in it.  I can't just suck it up and plug in at some heartless soulless job.  I can't NOT interact with the people I'm helping .  And you know what....I won't.  I would be miserable and would thus suck at that job.

The Hanged Man and The Fool

Support me...help me when I ask for it (and maybe sometimes when I'm too stubborn to ask for it)...but allow me my foolishness.