Thankful that Tomorrow is Another Day

There's nothing like getting devastating news to make you really sit down and think about what you're thankful for.

I finally got word via letter that I was not chosen for the Program Manager position.  I am devastated to say the least.  I really wanted that job and I know I could have been a super star at it.  I've really put a lot of other things on hold for that job, and maybe that wasn't the right thing to do.

I thought about what I might have done wrong.  I thought about what I could have done better.  Honest to goodness, I tried my best to stay positive about it and to not let it really get to me.  But it did.  I wept like I had lost something that was really only briefly mine.

So, now I feel like I'm back at square one.  Time to start over.  The Wheel of Fortune stopped there for a brief time and said, "Hmm..no, I don't think so."  Just when I thought that maybe Saturn had loosened his grip, he just tightens the hold.

And now I'm back at trying to find the positive at a moment when I feel like nothing is.

It's times like these that Facebook really shows it's power.  As I had publicly declared how much I wanted the position (foolishly thinking that that little bit would help me get the job...okay, I take that back...positive thinking is just really difficult right now...), I felt that I had to publicly share that I did not get the position.

The comments from my friends showed their support.  Though I always feel bad that they are sad for me, I really felt that their comments were little hugs helping to strengthen me.  Their comments helped me feel the sadness, but reminded me that it just means there's something better.

Then, my mom shared a sequence of videos from Disney's "The Rescuers." 

The first one made me ball up in my chair and just wish for simpler times when everything felt in order.  But it also felt the most comforting.  I could almost fell my mom's hand on my head, in an attempt to shelter me from all the hurt.


As I wiped the tears from my eyes, I watched the second video.  Though watching it only caused more tears, it reminded me that part of who I am is to find that silver lining.

I will have my good days and my bad days, but each day is only a tiny step into a lifetime.  Take from it what you can and learn and apply it to making things better.  The absence of a full-time position is an opportunity to build my side job into a real part-time job and maybe more, a chance to really take part in self care, and time to really develop my ideas for my nonprofit.

I won't stop looking for a full-time position and I won't stop building my side job into something that could still supplement my income.

So, what am I thankful for this Thanksgiving?

I am thankful for the boyfriend (who's forehead kisses always make me feel better).
I am thankful for the kitties (who keep me on my toes, wake me in the morning, and allow me to love them).
I am thankful for my friends (near and far, who remind me every day even if we don't speak that day about where I've come from and where I'm going).
I am thankful for our tiny, filled-with-crap, 1-fuse-box, stompy-neighbors apartment (complete with comfy bed and "princess" chair).
I am thankful for my feet (which have helped me express myself through dance, taken me to distant lands, and sometimes remind me to take care of myself).
I am thankful for my voice (which reflects my moods, energy levels, and love of cheesy music).
I am thankful for my family (which continues to grow and evolve, reminding me that I will one day be responsible for my own).

Lastly, I am eternally thankful to my two loving parents, who unceasingly support my crazy decision to stay in Boston (not without questions about when I am moving back to L.A.), whose spirits I carry proudly with me every day, and whose love continues to support me and build me up via YouTube.

Moral Lessons Outside My Office Door

Being that our office at work is somewhat centrally located, we get a lot of strange experiences.

We also have a window that overlooks the gym, and that often leads to random people entering our office - usually without asking - just to look in the window.  "I'm just checking to see if my kids are there."  "I'm just looking for this one teacher."  But never, "Excuse me, is it alright if I look through the window really quick?"

The other day, I was placing something in a mailbox, and I made the mistake of leaving our office door open.  As I turned around, a teacher peeks to see if someone's in the office and walks right in.

"Umm..excuse me??" I asked to no avail.  The teacher looks into the window and say, "I'm just making sure my kids are all there."  Then he walked out.  I don't even talk to this man.  He's not even a teacher in the school we're part of, but of the school we share the building with.

If I were to do that in that man's office, I'd be yelled at.

Then, there are the random things you'll hear in the hallway.

In previous years, one of my coworkers overheard the principal telling kids that she was sent there by god to be the principal.  I mean, don't get me wrong.  I understand the whole "I have a calling" thing, I really do.  But how appropriate is it, really, to tell kids that in a public school system?

Sometimes, it's teachers yelling at little kids about ridiculous things.  Yes, there's yelling.  People don't want to believe that their kids are getting yelled at even though they're in the 1st grade.  But it happens.  And usually about stupid things like staying in a straight line, or fidgeting, or crying about something.

I forget that we're training the kids to be soldiers.  Wait...we're not?  Well, YOU tell the teachers that.  I don't want to get yelled at.

Sometimes, it's teachers sharing their bit of wisdom to little perplexed kids.  I just overheard a teacher asking their Kindergartener what they would do if they saw money on the ground.  The kid first said they would leave it alone, but then they realized that they would pick it up.  After being asked why, the kid said that they would be able to buy stuff with it.  But the teacher decided that the moral lesson of the day was that they should give it to any adult who's nearby, because it might be theirs.

Personally, while I think it would be good to look around and to see if someone nearby might have dropped some money or even to ask a cashier if it's near the register, there's something to be said about not feeling guilty for finding and keeping something someone lost.  Really, that child would probably give the money to their parent anyway, seeing that he probably won't be going on random mall trips by himself.

If a child approached you and asked if that dollar bill (of whatever amount) was yours, what would you do?  If that child was yours and they picked up a dollar bill (of whatever amount), would you want to find it's rightful owner?

Tempting, eh?

Now, let me tell you a little story.

When I was younger, my parents taught me never to pick up anything off the ground.  Nothing.  It's dirty, who knows where it came from, blah blah blah.  Then one day, after walking out of church, I was with my uncle and there was a $20 bill on the ground.  Now, I was told not to pick up anything off the ground.  So I didn't.  But when my uncle caught sight of it, some other adult reached for it and claimed it as their own.  I was reprimanded for not picking it up. 

So, if I'm going to take away any lesson from being part of an outside agency in a public school setting, it's that you should make sure to check your morals before going around and sharing them with other people's children.

Feeling Hopeful About 28

It is officially 10 years since I became a legal adult.

That's Birthday Cake on my face!
Get your mind out of the gutter... :P

On my 18th Birthday, I was so excited to have the right to vote...and to get my very first tattoo.  My friend and my boyfriend at the time went with me.  As I straddled the chair and the needle hit my skin, I couldn't believe the pain!

I tried my best to breath through it, and I kept thinking, "It's okay.  It's okay.  Pain is part of it.  It'll be AWESOME when it's over."

But, dude.  I couldn't stop the tears!  While the tears were partially from the pain, I was also extremely excited to be 18.  I thought about growing up, growing older, independence, and crossing this incredible American milestone.  I also thought about the fact that I was to be naturalized as a U.S. citizen in the next week.

I was excited to grow up.

Now looking back at the past 10 years, 18 was nothing.  And I'm sure that I'll be saying the same thing about 28 when I turn 38.  Everyone talks about how awesome it is to become an adult.  But no one tells you about all the trials and tribulations that are part of it.  Some things get really difficult.  You have to make a lot of choices on your own, and then live with it.

I've been saying, though, that I've been really excited about turning 28.  Perhaps because it is that 10 year mark from the beginning of "adulthood."  Perhaps it's because of 27 being such a difficult year.  But I'm definitely not scared of getting older.  I can't wait to see what this next year of life will bring my way!

For this post, I wanted to share with you all the things I've learned in the past 10 years while also sharing pictures from the past 2 days of birthday celebrations.  Let me preface this by saying that these are clearly just my own observations, and they are mainly lessons I've learned about myself.  You're more than welcome to disagree. :)

Drinks and Cupcake Wrappers

1.  We all carry some prejudices.  The problem occurs when people aren't willing to be open-minded about other opinions or at least learning about the other side a little bit.  I've always tried to learn as much as I can before forming an opinion, and even then I still leave more room for arguments.

Drag queens in mermaid outfits!!! LOVED it!

2.  If you take yourself too seriously, you deserve to be made fun of.  Period.

Sorry for the blurry picture...but you get the jist...I have an awesome hair-stache...

3.  Love is important.  But one shouldn't have to sacrifice themselves to get it.  Compromise is important.  But that's a personal judgment as well.

But I will never compromise on chocolate.

4.  I like rum.  I like tequila.  I like wine.  I like fruity beverages.  I don't often get hung over because I don't usually drink a ridiculous amount.  For a Pacific Islander/Asian, I can handle my alcohol fairly well.  That being said, splitting a bottle of tequila between 2 people is never a good idea.  Throwing up at a party just isn't fun.

Okay..so I cheated for this picture.  This was from October 2006. 
I was crying on the way home because I felt really bad for yacking at our friends house.

5.  Setting goals is a great idea.  But the world won't stop just because you need to accomplish something.  Be prepared for changes.

Singing "Heart of Glass" by Blondie.  I acquired 2 background dancers in the process.

6.  Just dance.  Even if you're a white guy.  You're having fun, and you're entertaining others.

Dancing at the Red Fez.  Belly dancers know how to have a good time.

7.  You get to decide how situations will play out.  If you go somewhere expecting a lame time, you will have a lame time.  If you go and make the situation fun, you will have fun.  Though, it doesn't hurt to have amazing people by your side.

I'm a little bummed I didn't get a whole group picture, but I was so happy to see all these folks and more!

8.  Being alone is a great experience.  We are all individuals in this ginormous universe.  While we get lucky and find people to share our time with, as humans are social animals, there's nothing like being secure in your oneness.

Enjoying the fruits of my cupcake labor.

9.  Life is too short to worry about your age!  It means diddly squat if you haven't learned from your mistakes, and regret just means you haven't learned a thing.  Everyone's experience is so different.  But what matters is what you take away from them.

Groovin'

10.  The Beatles said it best:  "In the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make."

Proof that 28 will be awesome.

8 Things - Learned/Learning/Learn

This Thursday, the theme for Magpie Girl's 8 Things is Learned/Learning/Learn.  I admit that this is a difficult topic, mainly because I have to reflect a lot about what's been going on in my life - and there's been a lot!  But for the most part, I'll stay as positive as I can.

Learned...

...How to be an effective Social Work Intern Supervisor.  In fact, my time as a supervisor is soon coming to an end, come May 14th.  I'm sure I have more to learn, but I'd like to think I've done a pretty damn good job so far.

Bantay

Yoni

...That I am not a dog or a cat person, but I really love both.  There's something about having an animal in the house.  For all the stinky farts from the dogs and all the spazzing out from the kitty, it's hard to imagine life without these darlings.  Unfortunately, the doggie on the right has already gone to Doggy Heaven.

...That I can ride my bike safely around the city, not because of the city but because I ride safely.  I've had my share of small scares, including a time when my tire got stuck in a groove and I flew over my handlebars and when some dude clipped me.  But for the most part, it's nice to be able to get somewhere fast enough on my own.

Learning...

...How to say "No."  Today provided the best example for this!  The school the non-profit I work for is based in was having a staffing issue today.  One of the other outside organizations who is in the school does random jobs depending on who needs help.  It's almost like they're called on for subbing, secretarial duties, and general child-watching.  Today, they were playing secretary.  Though we're in the midst of organizing a huge talent show-like event, the Assistant Principal asked that I also take part in secretarial duties since other orgs were helping out.  I told him that I couldn't because of our event, but he assumed that I would do it anyway.  Luckily, other things started happening that provided a nice distraction.  But, I felt like I had to avoid the area until the other stuff started happening.

...How to speak up for myself and put myself first.  This is mainly concerning personal relationships.  I'm such a mother hen sometimes, that I often put myself last.  But then, when I do try to take care of things for myself, I've been accused of not taking care of the household.  I'm told that I should go and enjoy being social and active, but then I'm blamed for being too busy outside to focus on what (or who) is at home.  I'm still trying to figure all this stuff out.

...To embrace my body.  I love all the things my body can do, like dance and get around the city on my own.  I'm still working on getting to a happier place with the way I look, but at least I'm aware of my own strengths and challenges.

Learn...

...How to save more money.  Goodness...saving money is tough!  Especially when the majority of my income is coming from the government.  But I'm slowly trying to do better about the spending.

...How to play more Beatles songs on the bass and piano.  Well, I need to practice more in general.  But, it would be awesome to learn something new in addition to practicing the old stuff.  After playing Beatles Rock Band, I'm re-inspired to learn some of my favorite songs and their actual notes.