Unemployment Woes Temporarily on Hiatus

Last week, I had two interviews.  They were at places that I knew I could excel at.  Then on Friday, I get an email from the after school where I've been subbing.

They offered me a summer job.  I don't think there are too many benefits, really.  But it would be full time.  It's a job.

I agonized over this all weekend.  There was definitely a part of me that hoped the Rapture would come not only for my own sick fascination, but just so I wouldn't have to make a decision.

I knew that the other jobs were still in the midst of their interviewing process, and it seemed like I had always been the first person they interviewed for the specific positions.  At this point, there's still a possibility of getting second interviews.

But I had to make a choice.  And really, this was the only choice offered to me thus far.  I had to take it.

I'm about to see if I can finagle getting a couple of cents or even a dollar more in terms of wage.  I also let my supervisor know that I have made some plans, but that the rest of my summer is fairly open.

I know that if something better were to come up, I could always let them know that my plans have changed.  But I honestly feel like that is bad form, and not necessarily helpful in terms of building a relationship for future references.

I just happen to be the kind of person who tries to finish what I start, even if it takes me the longest time to get to the finish.

So, while I still need money now and I'm still not going to stop interviewing, I feel a lot less stressed about what is happening in my life.

Lastly, I wanted to share a hilarious cover letter that was posted on the Huffington Post.  Clearly, I should have taken a tip from this guy for a guaranteed hire.

I can do a Rubik's Cube!

******UPDATE******
So, I've now also been asked to work at City Hall for the month of June.  But this means 20 hours in a so-busy-but-they-don't-really-have-room-in-the-office so I'll have to do some weekend hours with another person there who's trained.

What?

I know I need the money, so I agreed to it.  But I'm literally having an anxiety attack right now.  I unfortunately haven't really been sitting around saving my weekends for this job.  In fact, I just agreed to do a Survivor Speaker Training at the Boston Area Rape Crisis Center on the first weekend of June. Plus, I have my night job.  Plus, there's a wedding mid-month.

I mean, there HAS to be some flexibility, right?

This is a really good lesson for me.  Not only will I have to ask for a slightly higher pay from the summer program, but I will also have to ask for some flexibility from City Hall.

This will be a true test in self-care, I think.  I have to learn how to ask for what I'm worth.  I'm worth more pay and I'm worth some flexibility in terms of hours.

Goddamnit.

Nonprofit Expo

I am extremely lucky to be surrounded by amazing, supportive people. So, even in all this unemployment, I can't ever get too down because my friends are so supportive.

Yesterday, one of my friends told me about a Nonprofit Expo at Boston University.  So, I prepared my resumes, put on a business casual outfit complete with my Gentle Souls heels.

Gentle Souls - Fortune Stella

Okay, well, I figured if I'm going to get used to heels, I better start walkin'.  But, I did pack some flats along as well.

So, I had already looked at the list of organizations that were planning on being at the Expo, and I knew that the majority of them weren't necessarily ones that I would apply to.  I also knew that most of the organizations would only be looking for internship or volunteer positions.

Nonetheless, I signed up for a couple of mailing lists, and picked up a ton of fliers and brochures.

Info, info, and more info.

When I would chat up one of the representatives of the different organizations, I would ask if they were hiring or just looking for interns or volunteers.  The majority of folks were definitely looking for volunteers.  However, there were some that mentioned and even had print-outs of some job positions.

I would ask them if they were looking for a specific amount of experience and education.  Weirdly, they would say that they were looking for someone who at least a Bachelors or were in the midst of getting their bachelors.  I then responded, "Well, I have a Masters in Social Work."

I got a lot of surprised faces.  A lot of people who said that I looked so young, so they assumed that I didn't have that much experience.

Even when I would outright tell them that I was a social worker/community organizer, they would try to hand me an internships.

I really don't think I look as young as one of the young ones.  But I appreciate the gesture.

Once I got home, I emailed the folks that I chatted with about specific positions they were offering so that I could have a leg up on the newbies. 

I hope the Expo is fruitful.

A Part or In The Middle

So, I don't claim to be an expert on anything other than what I know about myself.  But even then, sometimes I have no idea.

I know the 20's is really a time to be learning more about who you are, making friends from all different parts of the world, and exploring different places.  It's about a lot of change and, hopefully, a lot of growth.  Now, this isn't to say that the rest of your life doesn't include any of those experiences.  But it sometimes feels like the 20's are more saturated with that, seeing that many of my friends who are older are a little more set in their ways.

More recently, however, I've felt more like isolating myself.

Home Is?
With the holidays upon me, I can't pretend that I don't get homesick.  But now the question is, what is home to me?

A good friend of mine recently moved back to the U.S, and he is a much wilder person than I could ever be.  His point of view of the whole thing is that "home" isn't a location, it's the people, so you can be at home anywhere.

This really made me think quite a bit.  I know that I feel at home here in Boston, but I also feel at home in Los Angeles.  The difference right now is that I also feel like a visitor in Los Angeles.  While L.A. is where my family and friends are, Boston is a place where I am also building a life.

Now, if "home" is the people, then it can also be fluid and it can also come to where you are.

Then, why is the impetus always on me to go back to Los Angeles?  Don't get me wrong.  I love L.A.  I love California.  I want to move back there eventually.  But for now, Boston is my home.

I guess money is part of the issue.  It costs more for people to visit me here because of plane tickets and possible hotels.  If I flew to California, I would most likely not have to pay for a hotel.

But there's just something about that that doesn't seem fair.  I like visitors just as much as the next person.

You can find me among the clouds,
drifting between spaces.

Where is the Heart?
In the past year, most of my travels home have been to spend time with family.  Though I wanted to see my friends as well, my family would take precedence. 

In my mind and memories, I've always considered myself extremely close to my family.  The fact that my parents have trusted me to stay in Boston means that they really love me and want me to experience a wide variety of things.  I love my siblings, and I have always encouraged them to explore the world and not get stuck in L.A.  I love my extended family, and though we are so varied and spread out throughout the world, I feel like they are part of what keeps me grounded.

However, I was always somewhat separated.

When I was younger, I was also the oldest of the Los Angeles cousins, older by 5 years.  When I was away at college, they were all still in middle and high school.  Now that I'm in Boston, they're all going through their late teens and early 20's.

On the other end, I'm also the youngest of the group when I consider my older cousins.  Many of them were getting married and having kids when I was in high school and college.

I do have a couple of cousins that are my age, but I didn't grow up with them he way I did with my younger family members.

But more recently, I've just felt so distant.

I don't feel like I'm part of the family.  I don't feel like I'm included in anything.  I feel like I'm last to hear about a lot of things.  Honestly, I feel like I'm being punished for having moved so far away on my own.

This holiday season will be the first time that I'm not going back to L.A. to be with family.  Because the boyfriend hasn't been able to see his family at all for more than a year, and I've been to L.A. 3 times this year, I wanted us to be able to spend time with his family as well.  Plus, with the kitties still young, we don't want to leave them alone for too long.

Now that my maternal grandmother passed earlier this year, I feel like there isn't necessarily a need to have family parties in our house anymore.  So, I know my parents and brother are going to San Francisco to be with my sister for Thanksgiving.  It's awesome that they all get to be together, and I'm sad to miss the experience.

But in the next year, it'd be nice if I got a visit.  From anyone.  Maybe because they're also homesick for me.

Fleeting Fortune

Let me break my finances down for you all.  I'm really going to put this out there and really talk about this issue quite honestly.

Let me start by saying that I'm extremely lucky.  EXTREMELY LUCKY.

Because of my parents helping out with as much as they have been helping, I've yet to go hungry and no debt collectors are knocking on my door.  Because I'm on a family plan, I am able to have my awesome Droid with me at all times.  Because they love me and trust me, I haven't broken down and moved back to Los Angeles.

I'm really of the mind that I need to be able to make it on my own before I can consider myself an independent adult.  Now, being Filipino, it's part of our culture to share some of the finances.  If I were more wealthy, I would be able to help my brother and sister through difficult times as well.  Fortunately, my brother was the smarter one between us three, and is making more than I can even imagine at this point.  Regardless, as the eldest, I know that I also want to help financially support my family.

Now, of my own money that comes my way, I have my side job, which I love.  I really should have been trying to turn that business into a full-time business since October 2009, when I first signed up for unemployment.  Alas, hindsight is 20/20.  So, while it does provide some income, I'm still trying to make it so that I am really earning more than $500 a month from it.  That means, more parties, more exposure, more selling.  I know I'm up to this challenge, mainly because I get so much satisfaction from this job.

Every Sunday, I log in to the Massachusetts Division of Unemployment website and let them know that I was able to work, that I looked for work, and that I had or had not earned any pay from smaller jobs.  Then on Tuesday, $355 gets deposited into my account.  It's not bad, but it's not enough.

On Tuesday morning, when I take a look at my bank balance, I take a minute to breathe.  Then I get to work on paying bills (Comcast, Old Navy, Victoria's Secret, Best Buy, and Capital One) or paying the boyfriend back whatever amount I owe him (most of the household utilities are under his name because this was his apartment before it became our apartment).  Then this happens:

Within the hour, my balance is somewhere between $50-$150, if that.  I spend the rest of the week (haHA! No pun intended...) having minor freak outs about possibly getting an overdraft fee or if some horrible emergency happens or if I should just stay away from any social events because of the money I would spend.

As of this 2nd week of October, I'm dying to get a pedicure (approximately $40).  I want to keep going to yoga and pilates ($15 per class, but I've already paid $70 for 5 sessions).  I want to be done paying for my half of rent for this month ($200 out of $550 left).

The boyfriend thinks that I spend way too much money on things I don't need.  I'm sure that's true.  I don't need to eat out with friends.  I don't need to buy coffee or pastries.  I don't need to buy more belly dance related items.  I don't need to buy new jeans just because my best pair have a whole in the crotchal area.  I don't need to go to Mexico in 2011 (though I'm still definitely working on that!).

I wish there were things I could barter with people.  I would gladly spend the day cleaning at the nail salon if I could just get a free pedicure.  I could teach a very-very-very-introductory belly dance lesson for a yoga or pilates class. 

I mean, I guess there's no harm in asking.  No harm at all.  I might actually see if I can do some bartering.

As of now, I have 2 job interviews this week.  One as a full-time Program Manager at the Boston Center for Adult Education and another as a part-time Front Desk Staff at the Commonwealth Sports Club (a gym I'd  love to have a membership at because of their salt-water pool).  As of now, I would consider working both if they both offer me a position, depending on the hours obviously.  I would also keep working my side job, because I feel like I want to keep moving in that direction. 

But, I just don't want to feel like my hard earned money is continuously flitting out of my reach.

Wheel of Fortune or Misfortune?

In the past 2 weeks, I've had 2 interviews.  Both are great opportunities, ones from which I could use my skills as well as learn more skills.

The first position is for a part time, temporary position at a school, covering for a social worker going on maternity leave.  I'd get to work with kids again, though I'm wondering how different they will be from the kids I'm used to working with.

The second position is for a great organization that I've worked with before through my previous job.  I'd get to work with kids, and I'd get to learn about how to maintain my bicycle.  I'd probably be doing a lot of biking, too.

As of this week, I've already heard back from the first position asking if I'm still interested in the position.  I told them that I would let them know my decision in the next week, since I had a chance for a full-time position.  They seemed understanding about it, and it was the most professional thing I could do. 

I would feel extremely conflicted if I was working there and then offered a wonderful opportunity.  The self-care part of me would say that I would have to take the full-time position.  But the nice part of me says that I would stick it out, because I finish what I start (and isn't that what got me in this predicament in the first place?).

After the second position interview, I found another position as a health educator at one of the local prestigious universities.  I knew several people who work there, and they are helping me pass my resume along while I had already applied.  I would love to hear back from them sooner than later.  In fact, this is the job that I would want the most out of the three.

But what do I do?  Can beggars be choosers?  If I get the second position, do I keep waiting to get an interview for the 3rd position?  How long do I wait?

At some point last week, I decided I needed to consult my tarot cards.  One card really stood out to me.

The Wheel of Fortune basically signifies that change is on its way, but that the way things change and the result of the change is just something I have to ride out and wait for.  While that doesn't mean that I just keep sitting and waiting and not doing anything, it does mean that whatever path I end up on is the one that's destined for me.

It was a little bit scary to see that in my reading.  It means that I need to just sit tight.  It means that all this waking up feeling absolutely useless every morning is going to change.  But change how?  We'll see, huh?