Searching For a Starting Point

So, I haven't really talked about this too much in this blog.  But all this time being unemployed has given me time to work on my own dreams.

However, I'm running into a major road block:  my dream isn't specific enough.

Here's the gist.  I've always wanted to open my own nonprofit.  The idea has changed throughout the years, though.  Originally, I wanted something focused on child abuse prevention.  Then I started thinking about music and arts programs.  Then I started thinking about sex education.  Then it turned into a studio for dance and creative expression focused on self care.

Now, I feel like it would be neat to have a center for dance, yoga, massage, body work, and sexual health information.

I feel like it would be wonderful to have a space where people can explore creativity and self care while learning more about pleasure in all its forms.

But I have so many doubts that come to mind as I sit around working on a business plan.  I'm no dance teacher or yogini.  I feel like I don't have any specific expertise that would give me much credibility for opening anything up.  I feel like if I were to open up a studio, I would need to go out there and do the work of teaching and getting my name out there.

I know I can't do it on my own.

One of the big questions that's weighing on me is, "What do I have to bring to anything?"  I have some sex ed background, but not enough that I can open up my own agency.  I've taken dance classes for about 9 years, but I'm not a teacher.

I've had to think a lot about trying to start small.  But I don't know really what that looks like.

I've gathered a small group of people to help me organize my thoughts.  But we need to produce something, which would help us start getting our name out there.

I'm wanting to organize an event that would showcase a variety of performers who are just getting their art or their name out to the public.  The hope is that these folks get to explore their art and share it with others.  At the same time, the event would have some information about a sexual health issue.

But maybe I need to think smaller?

Maybe I need to stop doubting myself first?

Dream Escapes - Team Effort

I've had this dream before, but this time around there were so many differences almost acknowledging that time has past.

The dream was basically about a massive activity weekend, featuring several physical tests and rally races.  In my original dream, my team was the winner.  We had to climb up a massive structure, climb back down, go back up through a different way and slide down a massive ice luge.  Then we had to do a series of physical tests, like jumping jacks and push ups.  Finally, we had to run up a mountain and race to the finish.

In this dream, it was clear that time had passed and our team had gained some notoriety.  We had somehow built a team of 26 members, with each "persona" in a costume that started with a different letter of the alphabet. 

For some reason, we kept being late to the contests.  We would get lost, or we weren't able to find the person who was supposed to compete at the moment.  At one point, there was a frightening incident in the women's restroom with overflowing toilets.

I had a team meeting with my group, and I made it clear to them that the fact that we had grown in such numbers already made us quite a popular team.  I stressed that there was no stress on us to win, but others in the team didn't seem to agree.

I woke up before the official first game.

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Now, what was this dream about?  How did I feel and where could I apply it to my real life?

Well, I felt very proud of my accomplishments and of the fact that people recognized us.  But I conflicted with focusing on having a good time and trying to win again.  It's as though my goals were conflicted.

I'd have to say that I have definitely felt that way about the paths that I'm choosing.  While I am excited and hopeful about find a full time job, I'm also aware that I have my own dreams and goals that I would like to accomplish.  I know that whatever position I end up at, I will use it to grow from and take the lessons I've learned to work towards my own goal.  But should I just go for my own goal now?

Part of it, and part of what I felt in my dream, was fear of losing.  It's almost as though I was so uncertain about winning the competition that I tried to focus on having a good time instead.  But, if I have people who are willing to back me up and really go for the gold, then I should just give it my all as well...right?

I know that it makes me nervous to go for my nonprofit, because I'm scared of failing and I'm scared of how that might affect others in my team.  I'm still working on my business plan, and it definitely needs some tweaking.  I'm hoping to keep having inspirational dreams about it.