6 Til 30 - "Too Old For This"

The phrase "I'm too old for this" popped into my head today.

It was in reference to one of the kids in the after school having a tantrum.  Boy!  Do I have a hard time dealing with little kid tantrums.  I actually just don't have the patience for unreasonable behavior.

I know...I know...it's just a kid.  But you know, if only 1 child acts like that...I refuse to be another person in their life who just lets it happen.  Luckily, I know that my co-group leader feels the same way.

When this thought popped into my head, it did make me think some more about the direction of my life.  I just can't be at the after school, and not using my MSW nor gaining new skills. 

I have to add that not only am I too old for this, but I've worked too hard just to be where I am right now.

With the extra time I'm going to have on my hands in the next upcoming months before the summer program kicks in, I'm going to try to refocus on some of the things I would like to accomplish in my 30's - like traveling more and working on a business plan.

12 Til 30 - "Oldies"

For those of us who grew up in the '80's and '90's, when we turned to the Oldies station on the radio, we would hear songs from the 50's and 60's.  Soon, the music from the 70's were played on the station. Today, I'm hearing songs from the early '90's! 

I wonder how the kids I work with at the after school hear some of the songs I grew up to.

The after school staff get to run clubs during the week, which are basically extra curricular activities.  I decided to run a Rock Band club.

Let me go back into my history Rock Band.  I was totally one of those nay-sayers.  I was irritated with the game because I didn't think it actually taught them any musical skills.

Then I played it.  I was instantly hooked.  I took back all the negative things I had ever said about the game.

It's been pretty awesome running this club.  It's one of the best experiences to be in a room full of kids who didn't grow up with a lot of the songs I'm trying to expose them to.

There were definitely times when they would be a bit hesitant to try some of the "older" songs.  But when I would insist to play along, I would choose songs like "Bohemian Rhapsody."  Now, they know and love the song.

I've been trying to expose them to more and more of the older tunes on the Rock Band games, mainly because I know that they wouldn't get a chance to hear that kind of music on the radio.  It's perhaps one of the most awesome experiences to have a kid singing "Crocodile Rock" or "Eye of the Tiger" or "I Love Rock and Roll" as we're dismissing them.

13 Til 30 - Intense Personal Stories

There are days that are tough.  Some days are tough because I'm so busy, running from one thing to the next, hopefully (but not usually) on time.  Some days are tough because I can't seem to cut a break, everything is falling out of my hands or no one is being particularly kind.

Then there are days that are emotionally and mentally exhausting, which then leads the body to feel physically drained.  Tuesday was one of those days.

I have been working with Partners in Sex Education to teach some sessions at a fancy suburban high school.  One this particular day, I was assigned to introduce guest speakers to some classrooms.  There were about 7 different classes in all, and 3 speakers assigned to a couple of them.

These guest speakers were all HIV+, and spoke to each of the classes about their experiences.  These speakers are powerhouses, in my opinion.  To be able to share to openly and honestly about their lives, and the hardships that they've had to face in order to get to where they are now.

But I realized after I left the final session that I was exhausted.  I though back, maybe I didn't get enough sleep?  After thinking about it a bit, and heading off to the after school, I realized that I was exhausted because of hearing all the personal stories.  Most of the stories, I had heard several times that day.

I just felt that all my energy was drained from me.  I felt sad, my head felt a weird pressure.  I was definitely nervous that my cold would get aggravated.  But once I identified what was wrong, it felt so much better.

I couldn't even imagine if I had chosen to be a clinical social worker instead of a macro social worker.  I would be emotionally drained every day, I think.

I give props to all my friends and colleagues who have chosen that path.  It is not an easy job, but I know a lot of great people who do it.

15 Til 30 - Thought-Provoking Tarot Card Reading

I was just talking with a friend about how we both were in need of a tarot card reading, and I happened to be around a person who actually read cards.

When I do it for myself, I always feel like I have too much of a bias, and I need someone else's eyes to help me out.  So, I jumped on the opportunity to have my cards read.

I told her a little bit about what's going on, concerning the end of a dream job and the confusions of the dating world.  A lot of what ended up on the cards were pretty spot on.

Basically, I've been too frivolous with my time and/or money, and have been partying quite a bit.  I'm keeping myself distracted by tons of social events (which is so true!).  But I've been pretty guarded with my heart.  It seems that I might need to be more guarded with my money and time, and less so with my heart.

The Star showed up in this reading.  Apparently, this means that the world is literally my oyster.  When she suggested that I pull another card to help direct me, I pulled out The Magician.  This shows that whatever I choose to focus on, I will succeed in.  The problem is that I have to figure out what I want to focus on and go full in.

It kind of blows my mind that I feel like I keep getting a similar message.  But the problem remains the same.  I feel like I always have an idea, but it's more about the "how."  How do I get there?  And how do I make it profitable enough to sustain a lifestyle?

20 Til 30 - Closing Doors and Opening Windows

My time with my dream job is quickly coming to an end.  By quickly, I mean by the end of next week I will no longer be an employee of Planned Parenthood.

It's heartbreaking to say the least. 

It's lead me to really think about what else I want to do in the sexual health field.  I know I'm not going to give up in trying to find my niche.

Yet, I do feel like I have to go through a bit of a mourning period.  It's amazing that I was able to get this dream job, even though it didn't manifest the way I ultimately would have liked, before I reached 30.  I think it is awesome that I get to put such a big organization on my resume.  I think I'm incredibly lucky to have the connections that I've made through the organization.

But now that this door is about to close, I'm ready to see where the next door will take me. 

I am scared.  Scared it will lead me back into the desperation I felt when I was unemployed and stuck.  But I know I am lucky to be surrounded by so many supportive people who can help encourage me and give me feedback and give me ideas.

I'm anxious about this challenge, but I know I have the tools now.

The Women in Business Manifesto
found here:
http://www.womeninbusiness.com.au/

28 Til 30 - Last Time to Lose My Cool

I've been out of school for almost 6 years now.  I've been in the working world and the unemployment world for 6 years now.

For the most part, I understand being professional in specific settings.  I like that my current jobs give me the freedom to dye my hair and have modestly hidden tattoos.

But this Monday, I almost had a legitimate shit fit at work.

We were scheduled for several trainings for an all-day professional development.  I didn't actually know what trainings we were going to be getting.

When I finally took a look at the agenda, I noticed that we were having a training on cyberbullying.  Suddenly, a wave of fear and anger rose up in me.  ANOTHER bullying training?  "Please, for all that's good and decent in this world, please don't let it be lead by the same woman who led that bogus bullying training from last summer...."

*cue flashback to bullying training in June 2011*

When I think of trainings, I expect to get some practical information that I can apply to my job.  Being that I was fairly new to working at an after school and summer camp, I knew I needed to learn how to work with kids in a non-social work setting.  So, I was initially looking forward to these trainings.

As the bullying training commenced, I was a bit confused as to why the trainer needed us to talk about our own experiences with bullying.  I didn't really think it was necessarily relevant in this professional setting.  From a social work perspective, a trainer wouldn't necessarily want to trigger anyone's unpleasant experiences by asking them to share how they were bullied or how they bullied others.

Then, the trainer started talking about how she was part of a group of bullies who made fun of a kid with body odor.  She then proceeded to justify her actions.  That's right.  She justified being a bully.

I don't remember her exact wording, but it was something along the lines of, "He should have known better!"

I know for a fact that I made a face.  Then I raised my hand and said something about blaming the victim for their actions.  She continued to justify her actions.

At that point, I shut down for the rest of the training.  I let it go, but I didn't realize how angry I was about it until the next day when I brought it up to a coworker.

*flashforward to March 2012, as we're about to head into a cyberbullying training*

I hoped beyond hope that the training would be lead by someone else.  I told my coworkers that I would legit walk out of the room if she was doing the training.  When I asked my supervisor just as we were about to head to the training, he confirmed my fears.

I nearly dropped to the floor in anguish.  I told him that I didn't think I could sit in another training with that woman.  I just didn't think I could do it without getting extremely angry.  I explained to him that the last training was the worst training I had ever been to, and that I just didn't think I could handle myself.

Basically, I lost my cool.

As we walked to the training, my supervisor encouraged me to stay positive, keep it professional, and give it a chance.  Just as he was finishing his encouragement, we got to the elevator and the trainer came from around the corner to join us for the elevator ride.

I tried my best not to run for it.  I just looked down, and held on firmly to my belongings.

Luckily, I remembered that I had several crystals in my purse.  So I reached for one of them to hold onto during the training.

If I was even luckier, she would have said something unbelievably horrifying and unprofessional and I would have thrown the crystal at her.

The truth is, she was lucky that she was basically delivering someone else's training, albeit crappily.  I was glad that I had my rock to meditate on when she was saying or doing things that I didn't necessarily agree with.

I think that, really, the most frustrating thing is that I know that I - well, any of my fellow group leaders, really - could have run the training so much better than her.  The fact that they had her deliver another training on bullying was frustrating and angering to most of us who feel that we deserve better training, or at least get paid to do the training ourselves.

I have yet to get into a real physical altercation.  But it nearly happened in these final days of my 20's.  I guess I can't rule it out completely yet.

I will fight you...with or without my hair-stache...

 

Fat Tuesday, Indeed: Mardi Gras Cupcakes, Cake, and Bundt

Perhaps because of the move, I've had a hard time feeling motivated to bake.  When I bake, I like to have everything I need at hand, and I guess I feel like I don't have everything I need yet.

Luckily for me, the kids I work with at the after school really enjoy baking and cooking (probably because it means they get to eat it afterwards).  Though we try to cook random [easy] things here and there, this week is the Boston Public's February vacation week and we had time to plan things out.

Considering that today was Mardi Gras in New Orleans, it seemed appropriate to do something Mardi Gras related.  I had recently learned about the King Cake at a Mardi Gras-themed event, and I thought it would be a cute thing to do with the kids.  Of course, with kids, it's even cuter with cupcakes.

I wish I had an actual delicious recipe at hand, but with kids sometimes the best thing to do is to have an already prepared cake mix.  I also wish I had an actual picture of the ginormous 5lb bag of yellow cake mix that the program happens to use.  It borders on the ridiculous.  Thus, we had a ridiculous amount of cake and cupcakes prepared.  That's 12 cupcakes, 1 8in pan, and 1 bundt cake's worth.

claiming my cupcake

not bad for a 5lb bag of cake mix

The one addition I added to make it relatively close to a King Cake was add a TBS of ground cinnamon.  Naturally, we topped the pastries with yellow, green, and purple sprinkles. 

Of course, I also added the little baby figurine as well.  Though each cake had only 1 baby figurine in it, I made sure that each cupcake had a baby figuring for each of the kids.

uh oh..feet first?

I made sure to stuff the figurine in each cupcake and frost it before they got to sprinkle their own.  I explained to the kids that there was a surprise in each of their cupcakes, so they had to be careful when they reached the center.  I also explained that the baby figurine was a symbol of luck. 

I believe that originally, there was a ring or a bean that was cooked in the cake.  But different variations and different religious connotations mixed in with the lore.  I'm assuming that the baby is related to the coming of Spring/Easter/Baby Jesus or whatever.  But luckily, the children didn't ask beyond the fact that it was considered lucky.

I also thought it would be cool to use the Mardi Gras beads in a different way from how they're usually associated.  The kids would get beads for being on good behavior - following directions, not being too rambunctious.  It worked pretty well, actually.

At the end of the day, the kids were asking about whether they deserved another set of beads, and some of them were holding on to the little baby figurine as well.

The cupcakes and cakes were also quite a hit among kids and staff, and fairly delicious for being a standard cake mix with the addition of cinnamon.

nothing left but crumbs and luck

Fitting Into My Schedule

Remember when I was unemployed, but I still managed to fill my schedule with all kinds of things?  Well, now that I have been training for my sex ed job while also going to my after school job, I feel like it's been nonstop for me.

But mainly, it's been nonstop adjusting, maneuvering, scheduling, and moving.

I feel like for my own sanity I need to break it down for you (really, for myself....but being that this is my blog, this is how I'm going to do it).

Here is a list of things that I am currently or soon to be involved in:
Butt-crack-of-dawn Bootcamp - 3x a week
Sex ed job - still training, but soon to be what takes up my weekday mornings
After school job - weekday afternoons (duh)
Supervision of a Social Work Intern - 2 hours a week starting in October
Night job - put it on hiatus for a couple of months, but I'm ready to be back in it
Dance classes - 1 on Tuesdays (weekly), 1 on Wednesdays (October and December, with a recital in January), 1 on Saturdays (6 sessions every other week)
Raks Nativity Show - several practices with a show in December
Speaker's Bureau - occasional speaking engagements and monthly meetings (will try to attend most of the meetings because I like connecting with these girls)

I think that's it. 

It's definitely a style that I'm used to when I was working full time.  Though I do think that the year of unemployment made me less used to being crazy busy.

I'm pretty sure that I'm lacking a lot of sleep (says the lady who's blogging at midnight) and that it's messing with my better judgement.  In fact, I happened to be staring at the linoleum in a restroom this morning, and I swear the floor pattern started moving.

tripping out...need sleep...

Obviously this isn't to say that I don't absolutely appreciate being busy.  I still thoroughly enjoy all the things I'm involved in, and I don't ever want to be unemployed ever ever ever again.  I missed looking forward to the weekend, and now I'm happy that I can still sleep in and choose to lounge about all day when Saturday arrives.

I know I have to do better about self-care.  I need to decide who will be on my team during really intense days, and I need to come up with a system or some rituals for keeping myself sane.  While dance helps, I know I need something more.

I just want to put this message out there to the scheduling gods:
While I'm in the adjustment period, I'm also requesting a lot of flexibility from each of those components listed.  I'm feeling like I'm committed to this schedule for at least a year, so all these things I'm involved in and all the people I'm working with just need to understand that I'm just trying to make everything work. So sometimes I'm late, and sometimes I forget things.  But I promise that I'm not doing those things on purpose.  I'm a hard worker, extremely loyal and committed, and I don't quit even when I should.  Please be relatively kind to me.

Oh, and can you make the floor stop moving on its own?

Toesies of the Month: September 2011

The end of last week was full of Fall weather, some more wet and rainy than cool and sunny.  Sadly, there were times when my poor toes had to take shelter in closed-toe shoes.

But when the sun came out again, it brought to light how much I needed another pedicure.

This past week has focused a lot around starting my new jobs.  It just felt appropriate to also have a new pedicure.

I ended up going back to City Nails & Spa, since I was in the area for physical therapy and then had to get to the after school right after.  Unfortunately, my timing was a bit off and I was totally late for work.  Not the best way to start a new job.  But I wasn't going to sacrifice my self-care for it.  I think it will help me set the stage for how I want the rest of the year to go.

Designed by Julie at City Nails & Spa, South End of Boston, MA
Color: Sephora by OPI - Leaf Him At The Altar
Occasion: MassRaqs and Welcoming Fall Weather and Colors
September 2011

Originally, I had wanted to get this color on me on September 1st.  It was almost as if the change in months brought on the change in the air - it definitely felt like Fall had arrived on the 1st.  Though, there are still warm and humid days here and there, we also had Tropical Storm Irene reign down on us.

And now, the sun has started setting before 7pm.

But you better believe I'm going to milk letting my toes see the sun for as long as possible.

And Just Like That...I Am Employed!

Within the last week, I am happy to report that I was asked to join the after school program as a regular staff (20 hours a week), as well as being offered to supervise a first year MSW Intern (2 hours), as well as being offered to join Planned Parenthood as a sex educator (20 hours)!!!

I can't believe how all of this has suddenly presented itself in only the past month, though I've been waiting for these types of opportunities for over a year.

I literally had to cover my mouth to stop myself from yelling out loud on the phone, but I immediately started dancing around and shouting when I hung up.  The kitties came out from wherever they were napping with confused stares.

But I'm so extremely excited!

Things go into full swing on the 12th, so I imagine a bit of adjustment is going to need to happen for me.  But if I can push through a month of working almost every day of the week (June 2011), then I know I can push through this.  Especially since they will be things that I really want to do.

There's a part of me that is aware of how my point of view has shifted in the past year.  There's been a lot of disappointment and a lot of difficulties.  It's hard for me to go into anything fully without being a bit more cautious.

I don't know if it's that I've lost my sense of adventure and spontaneity, or if I'm just being cautiously optimistic.  Maybe a little of both?

Remember when I had to do the 15 Jobs a Week Challenge?  I think that though I ended up getting hired to do 1. a job I was already doing and 2. a job that showed up long after this challenge, the challenge helped to really get me practice in writing a cover letter and doing interviews.  But ultimately, I learned that while I was capable and experienced enough to do many of those jobs, I just didn't fit them and it wouldn't have been a good fit for me.

Now I've found some jobs that I do enjoy, even though it will take some time for me to adjust to it all.

Beach Day: Crane Beach

On Wednesday, July 27th, the summer program got on several yellow school buses and headed for the North Shore of Massachusetts.  This beach day was spent at Crane Beach, where the water is freezing once again.

But the sand was fine and the weather was gorgeous!

Crane Beach

There's something quintessential about sand dunes at New England beaches.  Whereas the beaches stretch out for miles on the California coast, these beaches are punctuated by grassy dunes and marshes.  Though, I'd have to say that I don't agree with how the majority of nice beaches have a fee.

Regardless of the freezing cold water, I still braved it and managed to stay in the water the majority of the time.  Believe you me, this is really difficult for someone who's been blessed enough to know the pleasure of more tropical waters.  But, for the kids, I braved it.

my poor freezing toesies

The water was amazing, however.  Clear and casting a blueish-green hue.

Crane Beach is really nicely kept.  There are outdoor showers to help rinse off the sand, and a fairly accommodating changing area.  Though, this isn't necessarily surprising to anyone who noticed the signs for the Crane Estate as we were pulling up to the beach parking area.

The one part about these New England beaches that I'm not the biggest fan of is the bugs.  Big green flies and mosquitoes are just flying around the more marshy areas of the beaches, waiting to bite at my ankles.  In fact, I had 1 huge bug bite from Crane Beach that made my ankle swell up a bit and itch for a week. 

Still, Crane Beach was a good time with the program.  I had fun swimming around with the kids and joking around with the staff.

I'd have to say, speaking of the staff, that it's been a pleasant work environment.  Though I'm one of the older staff and I'm probably the one with the most advanced degree among the group leaders, I know that I'm blessed to have a bunch of like-minded people to work with.  Even when the kids frustrate us to no end, we all are still able to laugh about the ridiculous things kids try to pull among other more adult levels of hilarity.

Working full-time in the summer isn't ideal, but at least we get to play and have fun.

Beach Day: Houghton's Pond

Goodness. It's been a busy summer.  I have so much to share!!

Though it's not as relaxing as it can be, I've been able to go to the beach almost every week at the summer program.  So, I'm going to write a little bit about the beaches we've been to.

Houghton's Pond is located in the Blue Hills of the Greater Boston area.  It seems like it's a great place to go hiking and to have some outdoor BBQ action.  When we went on July 20th, the program took advantage of the BBQ pits and the beach area of the pond.

I had never swum in a pond before.  Up in Maine, the boyfriend's family took me canoeing and we swam around a bit in the river.  But swimming in a pond has not really come up.

Compared to the coldness of Singing Beach, Houghton's Pond was an absolute pleasure to swim in.  It really felt like bath water.  I suppose that in general pond water isn't super clear, since there's dirt and rocks from the forest floor.  But it felt really pleasant to swim in.  We also got to share the water with some geese.

honk honk, said the goose

The swimming area was pretty shallow, so it was a great place to take the younger kids.  At some point, the little kids decided that they wanted to hold on to me while I swam under water like a mermaid.  That was pretty fun, actually.

There were quite a number of people at Houghton's Pond for a Wednesday.  It was difficult not to run into other people while playing around in the water.  Still, it was a pretty nice place to be.

Gorgeous day for a swim

Day 17: Tosies of the Month - June 2011

It was time.  Desperately so.

I needed to remove myself from completing the necessary hours to make my way to the nail salon.  Since I was around the downtown area, I quickly ran to get my first mani/pedi before heading to another appointment.

Designed by Dan at Jade Nail Salon, Boston, MA
Color: OPI - Mermaid Tears
Occasion: Self-care and wedding
June 2011

I've been wanting to get me some of that color on my toes for a while! The color is part of the Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides series.  I was very happy to see it in this nail salon.

Though it's not a color I would chose if it hadn't had that particular name.  However, it is a great summer color.

The design...well..it was designed by a another male nail technician.   They tend to get quite creative, huh?

Here are some samples he had on his desk.

Exotic, no?

Still, I was feeling so relaxed, and extremely happy knowing that all I have to worry about tomorrow is a social event.  So relaxed that I barely even used the massager on the chair.

Yay for happier (and better) toes!

Week of Sick of Work

Though I was sick and probably should have been resting all week, I ended up working as a sub for a day program.

Because it is mainly an after school program, the usual group leaders weren't available for the morning hours.  So, I was called in to sub for a group of 1st Graders.  For the most part, there are supposed to be at least 2 people who are leading a group, and the groups are separated by age and grade going up to middle school.

Let me tell you.  I only worked 4 days for 4 hours a day, and I'm pretty over it all.  Mainly, I got pretty tired of waking up early to get into a packed subway with people shoving and pushing to get to work.

Here's some highlights from my work week.

Schedule
Working with the kids was really what you would expect with kids.  I mean, they're going to be rambunctious especially considering that they are on vacation and have a full day of playing.

But, being that I was a sub, and a sub with a cold, there was a lot of redirection that the kids needed.  By the end of the week, my poor throat felt like some creature had clawed around it.  To add to that, I was by myself for most of the morning on Friday, with a group of 13 kids.

I'm pretty sure I shouldn't have been by myself.  But I get that tons of places are often understaffed.

To top it all off, the usual group leader told me right before I ended my week that she had realized that no one had told the subs that she had planned a week of activities.  Yes, there was a schedule, like Group 2 would be in the gym at a certain time.  But for the most part, the other sub and I would just have to make up some activities.

Older
By the time my shift was ending, the kids had already eaten lunch and were settled in to watch a movie.  Being kids, they don't necessarily know much about quality movies.  But I do think that adults have a role to play in guiding the type of entertainment they watch.

Well, they opted for the "Alvin and the Chipmunks" on Tuesday and the "Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakuel" on Wednesday.

On Wednesday, I joked with the other sub that I've done pretty well with avoiding these movies.  She didn't seem to get the joke because she said the first one was pretty funny and she hadn't seen the second one yet.

I kind of had to take a mental step back.  I said that I was really more used to the classic kids movies, especially "The Chipmunk Adventure."

If you haven't seen it...you really should :)

She then said, "Oh...I've never heard of that.  I've only seen the first movie."


*internal gasp*

Wow.  I realized she probably had never even seen the t.v. cartoons!  I was definitely of a different generation than her!  But I would rather be old because at least I know the awesomeness of "The Chipmunk Adventure."

Things Heard From the Mouths of Kids
In the gym, I heard this almost ever 5 minutes:  "Teacher!  Play with me!"

One little chubby kid was often the one who would get his toy taken from him by another kid.  He probably gets bullied quite a bit, and yet I have the feeling that he also got what he wanted from the adults in his life.  Well, this kid had the audacity to look me in the eyes, with a big smile on his face as we prepared to go to the auditorium for the movie, and say, "Hi Fat Teacher."

As I'm playing catch or tennis with this one particularly behaviorally disobedient kid who's great one-on-one, and another student is trying to get my attention, he says, "I'm waiting!!!"  What??  You know that's something he hears a lot from an adult.

This tiny skinny girl would approach me all throughout gym, moaning about how hungry she was.  Seriously, though, she was ALWAYS hungry.

Glorified Babysitter?
Honestly, while I feel like the after school and day programs and the community centers are a god-send, I do feel like it is just a way to ensure that the kids are engaged in some activity outside of hanging on the streets. 

But they get to provide a place for the kids to do their homework or other activities that would build up their academic education.  They also get to work a lot on their social skills.

I kind of felt like I struggled a bit though.  Kind of like I was more of a glorified babysitter than anything else.

I don't really mean to sound like I'm better than anyone.  In fact, if that week has taught me anything, I don't hold a candle to the folks who do that job full-time.

I don't hold a candle to teachers, to child care workers, to after school staff, to day care staff.

As a social worker, I had the absolute luxury of being able to close my door.

So, thank goodness this is just a part-time position.  I'm going to keep looking for my office with a door.