Let Me Set the Record....

I'm not anti-marriage.

My parents have been married for 28 years, and I believe in love and Happily Ever After.  But I also believe that everything takes some effort and work. Even the Happiest of Ever Afters have some hardships.

Sure, one day, I'd love to have a family and house of my own.  Sure, once in a while, I feel this longing to have kids.  And..okay...fine...I have a couple of names picked out already.  When I was about 5 years old, I answered the question, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" with "A mother."  So, I do want to have children one day.

But I'm not wanting to rush into anything.  I'm well aware that being unemployed means that it's probably not a good time to do any sort of settling down or having a family.

Let me take another step back.

Once upon a time, I truly believed that I would be married soon after grad school (I would have been 24, the age my parents were married) .  My ex and I were totally planning for it.  We even took our parents to dinner to tell them our plan (that so didn't go well...and my parents felt so bad for my ex that they paid for dinner.....I'm pretty sure his mom hated me....).  But in the end, after almost 9 years together, we broke up.

It was quite an awakening.  A true reality check.  But I also reflected on how I played a part in the whole relationship and its demise.

I knew I hadn't grown up enough.

Now that I'm in another long-term relationship, living with the guy and all, I don't feel that he and I need to rush into any sort of situation.  I still feel that he and I both need to work on some things on our own before we're able to handle the responsibility of each other and a family.  Seriously, if he asked me to marry him right now, I'd have to honestly say (and he knows this), "I love you...but I'm just not there yet..."

Believe me, I've taken ALL of 2009 to think about this.  The year started with a wedding, and ended with one of my childhood best friends having her second child.

This past year was the first time I've had to attend multiple weddings of my friends - 1 in Hawaii, 1 in Los Angeles, and 1 in the North Shore of Massachusetts.  In true social work fashion, I've really had to check myself throughout the year.  "How am I feeling?  Am I jealous?  What is it that's bothering me?"

Now, weddings....well..that's a different blog post.

Jealousy, while I can be guilty of it, was not playing any part in my feelings of 2009.  I believe that all my friends who got married and are planning to get married are all at a point where they can be, and that's the right step for them.

I talked in one of my first posts about how I feel like I'm not physically, emotionally, or mentally ready to "settle down."  Most of what was bothering me was how fast everyone else was "growing up" and maybe even "leaving me behind."  But I just don't want to be an expendable part of their lives as they move on and create new ones.  The whole experience really had me feeling whatever transition period I might be going through.  Yet, I'm still not in any rush.

When I'm ready, I'll know.  It's my own pace.  And I'm quite satisfied with this pace.

***********************************************

Have you been told that you need to "hurry up" and get married or have babies?

What about feeling like you have to follow in your family's footprints?

Are you doing something you love even if it's costing you more than you make?

I want to hear about your experiences and feelings about being pressured to "grow up," following your passions, and whether or not your satisfied with your choices!!!

BE FOREWARNED:

I encourage those of you who are currently unsatisfied to think of concrete steps you'll take to take more control over your choices!

p.s. Self-proclaimed strengths-based social worker here.

Email me your stories, with your name, website, pictures, whatevers!

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Shoulda shoulda shoulda

I guess I couldn't have left Los Angeles without getting at least one comment on either my weight or my lack of husband and children.

For a good part of my 20's, I escaped the husband and children lecture.  Clearly, since I was still in school, I needed to focus on that instead.  The weight issue is another story.

I'm Filipino.  I was taught to finish all my food because of those goddamned kids in China and Africa (even though we also came from a third-world country).  Holidays are tables fool of food (as you can see from my Christmas post) and eating the whole night.  Yes, I played outside instead of watching TV for the most part (in fact, I did not grow up watching Saved By The Bell like so many of my friends).

So, I still got chubby.  It probably didn't help that after swimming class at the YMCA, we would go to McDonald's.  It also probably didn't help that when I was around 5 or 6, I thought I needed to weigh 50 or 60 pounds, and that a 0 would be tacked onto my age as I got older.  Weird, I know.  I learned quickly that that wasn't true.  I don't weigh 270 lbs.

And while the doctors would lecture me about my weight, I was still okay with myself.  Then I started going home to visit for the holidays.  My paternal grandmother, whom I love but scares me a little, starts grabbing at my arms, "You should lose weight!  You'd be pretty if you did!"

Yikes.  I started avoided visiting her because of the comments and the arm grabbing.

My mom was another culprit.  Not a visit would go by without a comment on my weight - at least within the first 24 hours.  She would then follow her comment by saying that it's still healthy that I had fat on my body, and I would be regarded as wealthy in the Philippines.

In the past couple of years, I started getting more serious about my weight.  I joined an expensive gym, do workout DVDs at home, started counting my calories.  I lost maybe 10 lbs.  Then I started focusing more on eating more vegetables and got into riding my bike to and from work.  I lost another 10 lbs.

Still nowhere near where I'd like to be, but I'm only really unhappy with my body around my family and when I get on the scale.

But this past vacation, I almost didn't hear anything about my weight.  Almost.

nom nom nom

It's only been recently, since I've finished school, that I've gotten comments about getting married and having a family.  My maternal grandmother is the one pushing this topic this time.

The general gist is that I need to hurry up and have kids because I'm getting older.  But, now I'm getting it from my aunts and uncles on my maternal side as well.  Just when I think I was going to survive another holiday without getting lectured....well...2 days before I left for Boston, it happened.

 mickeyandminnie.tumblr.com

With that, I now present to you the dialogue between my family and me at around 11:30pm on New Years Eve.

Tito E:  You know, you should have babies now.
Me:  WHAT?? Oh my god...I'm soooo not there right now!  I'm still a baby myself!
Tito E:  Well, the older you get the harder it will be to have kids.  So you should hurry up.
Me:  But what about all my other cousins?  Are you saying the same to them?  They're older than me!
Tito E:  Well, you have a partner.
Tita B:  Yes...you already have a boyfriend.
Me:  I'm so not ready to have a family right now.
Tito E:  Well, as long as you have kids before you're 35.
Nanay (my mom):  Hah?? I'm not ready to be a Lola (grandmother)!
Me:  Thank you!! I'm glad at least we're on the same page here!
Nanay:  Besides....you should lose weight first or else you'll have a hard time....

*SIGH*

My 2010 Goals

My goals for 2010 are featured on The Novelista Barista!

Click on the picture to check out my goals and Jen's blog!

Yay! Blog love!

I'm also planning to do a little reflecting on my 2009 (which is possibly still affecting me right now and trying to make my 2010 a great one by working on a Goddess Guidebook.

 

I will probably be posting some reflections here, but mainly will be working things out on my *ahem* "Goddess" blog.

Here's to starting things right!

Travels: New Years

As 2009 turned into 2010, I was feeling hopeful, but I also knew that my vacation was nearing its end.

But I couldn't think of a better way to spend the transition than with my friends and family...in Los Angeles.

Here's two sights that would be part of my Los Angeles friends tour:

I know it's not the best quality....but yes, that's a tree that's been cut to look like a dog's head!

The famous Youngwood Court (aka The House of Davids)

You gotta love the Black Power Santa!

Celebrating
It's been at least 2 years since I've spent New Years with my family, but I wouldn't have had it any other way.

Happy New Year in my parents back yard

Lighting sparklers

Crazy lights

Mermaid tail?

C and V!

Starting 2010 at The Happiest Place on Earth
It's been years since I've been to Disneyland.  My boyfriend has only been to Tokyo Disney, which I've also been to and it completely pales in comparison.  This was also the first time for the both of us to go to California Adventure.

We arrived when Disneyland opened at 8am, and left the park at 11:30pm, a half hour before closing.

Walt and Mickey copycats

Aurora's/Sleeping Beauty's Castle

We were soaked! Thank goodness for a beautiful 70 degree day!

I kicked his butt...

 

Screaming...and laughing...and screaming...and laughing...

 

Cream cheese pretzels and Churros!!!

 

Jedi Training Academy is Ageist...My boyfriend so wanted to be chosen!

This kid was HILARIOUS!  He was so not listening to directions...

At California Adventure, on a "Hollywood Set"...I kept getting dizzy looking at the back drop!

 

Resting our feet on King Triton's Carousel 

 

Beautiful! But the ride was way too short!

Our footsies were exhausted!

Goodbye West Coast
We were so exhausted after Disneyland, but we still needed to pack.  Our flight was at 9:50am, but we knew that we needed to prepare for whatever LAX would be throwing our way.

Now, I'm sitting back in our living room, while the final Pats game is on.  The snow delayed our flight getting back, and there's still snow clouds hanging over the city.

It was great to sleep in our own bed.  But it's hard for me to not wish this was out my window instead.

Sunrise Over Downtown

Travels: Coastal Driving and Wining

This holiday seems to be about flexibility as all the major departures have been somewhat delayed.  Unfortunately, the morning of the 26th featured some really difficult times (of which I'm slowly blogging about).  But, the rest of the vacation was still ahead of us.

December 26 - On the Road with 2 Doggies

My sister's newly adopted puppy is teething.  We've learned that he has a fondness for shoes, even when they're still on feet.  Our older doggie, however, was thoroughly enjoying the ride.

Garrison taking in the sun.

Most of the ride, I caught up on the sleep I'd been lacking in the past couple of months.  But I was still able to catch a couple of gorgeous sights.

Central Valley of California

As we were driving up the 5 Interstate Highway on our way to Santa Cruz, where I spent 4 years of my educational life, we were able to stop at the famous Casa de Fruta.  I love this place!  I love that they didn't stop using the theme of "Casa de..."  So, there's a Casa de Petting Zoo, Casa de Choo Choo and Carousel, Casa de Restaurant, Casa de Deisel, Casa de Sweets, Casa de RV Park, and Casa de Wine.

Burritos!

Santa Cruz Memories
It was wonderful to stop at Santa Cruz and visit some of my old stomping grounds.  My boyfriend finally got to see this small city that I talked about a lot.  My parents also enjoyed visiting and reminiscing.

Clockwise:  Cafe Brazil - best brunch! Mystery Spot Car.

Porter College and Monterey Bay...what a school to attend! The boyfriend and I getting ready to have our minds blown at the Mystery Spot! 

At first, it was a little tough finding places to eat.  From the last post, you probably know that my family is very connected to our dogs.  We made sure to find places that have outdoor seating, but there were times when we didn't have much of a choice.  It was a learning curve for the family, that's for sure.  By the end of the trip, the family did a better job of learning to leave the doggies in the car.

But the poor teething puppy was a rowdy one!  The video came out dark when I uploaded it, but he's basically trying to dig the minivan floor, proceeds to squirm under the seat, and finally settle down.

Napa Valley
After Santa Cruz, we headed up to Napa Valley.  For some reason, I always assumed that Napa was in Central California, where the United Farm Workers began.  But, it's actually north of San Francisco, and much closer to Sacramento.

We were lucky to find a Holiday Inn Express that allowed pets in the room, but I was excited to finally see a Sonic right next to the hotel!  They show commercials all the time on tv...but I brushed it off as a myth as I'd never seen one in the cities I've lived in.  But they do exist!

Sonic!

I'd have to say that my first time in Napa Valley was truly memorable.  I knew that my dad had reserved a hot air balloon ride for my siblings, my boyfriend, and I.  So we were all very excited about this trip.

I never thought I'd ever ride in a hot air balloon, and the idea never even crossed my mind.  The first thing I think of when it comes to hot air balloons is The Chipmunk Adventure, where the Chipmunks and Chipettes are racing around the world in hot air balloons (great movie!).

It was amazing!  There were moments when I would get nervous about the height, but the views were just so awe-inspiring. 

What a gorgeous way to start the day!

 

Flying over the highway and valley.

 

Do you see our shadow?

Blowing bubbles to see where the wind is blowing.

 

Trying not to look down

After the balloon ride, we were treated to a fabulous brunch with the Balloons Above the Valley company. Who knew that hot air ballooning would make you so hungry?

When we rejoined with my parents and the doggies, we proceeded to drive up toward Callistoga to see one of the three Old Faithful Geysers.

But the best part of this attraction was seeing the famous Tennessee Fainting Goats!

So hilarious..and sad at the same time...

And of course, we couldn't leave Napa Valley without hitting up a wine tasting.

Rutherford RanchWinery

Central California and Morro Bay
December 30th was my mother's birthday, but it was also the day we drove back down to Los Angeles.  Again, it was a lot of snoozing in the car, but there were beautiful views not to be missed.

Central Valley

 

My mom requested that we have lunch in Morro Bay, another location that I've never been to.  Interestingly, Morro Bay was a location where many Filipino immigrants jumped ship off a Spanish Galleon.  While the city was named because Morro Rock resembled the turbans worn by the Moors in North Africa, there are also the Moro people in the Philippines.

Morro Rock 

Seals chillaxing

Weather vane at dog-friendly Tognazzini's Dockside Restaurant.

As the sun set on the final leg of the trip, I couldn't help but feel this love for California.  The terrain is so beautiful, and really quite different.  Most people think that California is all beach and sunshine and plastic surgery.  But clearly, it's so much more and beyond.

 Up Next on the Itinerary:  New Years